Thursday 27 May 2010

Eviction and kumbaya

How do you celebrate the first anniversary of the fusing of a new human into existence?

You start the process of kicking them out of course.

Last night, for the first time, Mango slept in her own room.

Her eviction was borne from necessity rather than choice, since the wee maggot is growing like a weed and about to burst though the sides of her Moses basket.

Unfortunately she’ll have to remain in the basket in her new surroundings for a while longer until we solve a slight oversight on the part of her crib.

While she normally sleeps like a, well, baby, she occasionally needs a rocking to settle her. The crib weighs about the same as a garden shed, and is less mobile. As my first suggestion of shortening one of the legs to create rocking possibilities was shot down in a blaze of scorn and disgust, we’ll have to come up with an alternative.

Not only have we arranged for her to exit our bedroom, we’ve also put the wheels in motion for her to get out of the house completely by visiting her future daycare centre.

She sat in her sling as we walked around, giving her Princess Diana-esque bowed head coy smile to everyone who greeted her. By the time we were attacked by some strange poodle cross bred with a chicken in the garden she had nodded off and played no further part in the discussions.

She will be there 3 days a week from August onwards, enjoying life with young kids of various ages in what I can only describe as a somewhat ‘new age’ children’s haven.

It’s not quite at the level of shitting in the woods or weaving blankets from discarded pubic hair, but it was emphasized that they ‘solve everything with a hug’.

Everything except settlement of their extortionate bills no doubt, the thieving hippy bastards.


Ms. Moon said...

But you know- you would only trust your darling with the best. Which would be expensive.

Russ said...

Solve it with a hug, huh. At least she will be learning useful things. Maybe she can weave you a nice pubic shirt or something!

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

the more you pay for childcare, the better it's supposed to be.


Jo said...

Lol, funny ending.

Mwa said...


I love that they hug a lot. They don't in most creches over here, which is the reason why I still don't have one for my foetus.

Rebecca said...

I sure wish the real world solved everything with a hug. Oh well, maybe her generation....that will work.

Misssy M said...

Ah the downside of parenting- paying for childcare. Empty your pockets at the door.

areyoukiddingme said...

Daycare - while you're paying exorbitant amounts of money for people to watch your child, you get the bonus feature of 18 months worth of every cold and flu that comes along!

Veronica Foale said...

You need to put wheels on the cot. Or something.

Muddling Along said...

I like the idea of a place that solves everything with a hug - sounds nice

River said...

Put wheels on the crib/cot/whatever you call it, then you can roll it to simulate rocking. Sanne'll never know the difference, it'll be just like falling asleep in a moving pram to her.

Kori said...

I think I might try solving every problem with a hug, too, from my job to my family to the bitch at the grocery store who shakes her tits at every male over the age of, oh, three weeks. Think it will help?

Unknown said...

...and then you need to start farming her out to relatives or if necessary any old stranger off the street so you can have a couple of hours with ET and spend it worrying yourselves sick that something terrible is about to happen to her so you go home early.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

My brother was like that.

So my parents put wheels on his cot.

He soon discovered that by shaking his head side to side he could get the cot to move thus ensuring he could rock himself to sleep.

One night my parents found the cot out on the landing near the stairs.

He is now in the Navy. Ocean rocking him to sleep.

I suggest you get her out of the rocking habit quick smart.

Anonymous said...

the night after we moved Emily into her own room was the first night she slept through, and she has slept through ever since!!!

That was at 8 weeks.

How is she sleeping? I may have missed it if you have already mentioned it.

People in the Sun said...

Now now. Looks like you need a hug too.

Martin said...

@Ms. Moon - meh I say to that, meh!

@Russ - I'll pass!

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - nonsense.

@Jo - what, and the rest?

@Mwa - disaster!

@Rebecca - the 32 of them will start a hugging cult.

@Misssy M - it is extortionate.

@areyoukiddingme - oh lovely

@Veronica - demn thing.

@Muddling Along Mummy - bloody hippies

@River - its too big unfortunately

@Kori - worth a try at this stage eh?

@Irritatingly Optimistic - heh, unlikely

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - If it's ok with you, I'll skip using your family as a reference.

@livingrightnow - sleeping through since about 6 weeks old.

@People in the Sun - dont make me slap you.

A Free Man said...

'thieving hippy bastards' - true that. In fact, I think the more New Age-y, the bigger the invoice every fortnight.