Allez Les Bleus!

Tomorrow we set sail. OK, not quite, but we do drive a ford focus.

Actually, I drive a ford focus.

All the way to France.

Yes, situated in the beautiful rolling landscape of the Ardennes, in the Champagne region, is a secluded farm house that will be our serene home for the next 3 days, unfortunately in the company of 6 other infirm buggers.

As if Sunday's revelation that we may be headed straight for the great tandoori oven in the cellar wasn't bloody bad enough.

You win some, you lose some.

Yes, brain, you are off limits for the next few days thanks to the wonderful invention that goes by the name of 'a national holiday'.

Queen's day, or 'Koninginnedag' to give it it's correct asphyxiating title.

ET had her blood tests today for various hormone levels and the usual prerequisite stuff so all that will be ready for the RS in a few weeks.

The few days away will break up the 2WW, the two week wait, as I've recently come to discover it called.

Ironically, and somewhat disturbingly though, we have deduced that our 2WW is very possibly not two weeks at all.

Fucking typical.

This is not a good thing. Nevertheless, there's no point harping on about it now, until we know more, which we will next week.

I think Ellie was just jealous of all the attention Spencer was getting and she may just have decided to go on a 'go-slow', just to even up the score.

Bloody women always have to go one better....

An immaculate conception?

It's Sunday and I feel like having a moan simply because we have now entered the luteal phase, more commonly referred to as the 'there is sod all you can do now, so sit quiet and squirm rat boy' phase.

This is cycle 13, making us 'officially' infertile, as opposed to the 'don't be such a drama queen with a willy' type infertility I've been rattling on about for the past year.

I am confident that things will work, but the prospect is ever larger that we need assistance.

On selfish reflection this is a slightly saddening thought, but honestly I don't have any huge issues with this. On the other hand, my 'spiritual leader' does.

In early March the Vatican listed a new and improved, better than your current leading brand, set of seven deadly sins by adding seven modern mortal sins.

This list includes 'Genetic Manipulation'. I had to do some checking to be sure, but this encompasses procedures such as IVF.

A few searches confirmed my thoughts that the Vatican would consider IVF a mortal sin, but to be certain I went to the Vatican's own website, to get it from the donkey's mouth, and found the following:

'The desire for a child - or at the very least an openness to the transmission of life - is a necessary prerequisite from the moral point of view for responsible human procreation. But this good intention is not sufficient for making a positive moral evaluation of in vitro fertilization between spouses. The process of IVF and ET must be judged in itself and cannot borrow its definitive moral quality from the totality of conjugal life of which it becomes part nor from the conjugal acts which may precede or follow it.(48)"

Basically, it's NOT the good thought that counts.

This saddens me in one way and aggravates me in another.

I'm sad because the faith I was brought up in, and which has to this day unseen influences on my life, is so far out of touch with real life it becomes almost impossible to defend it.

I'm aggravated and angry because this 'ruling' puts ET and myself on the cusp of a descent into eternal damnation according to Pope Benedict XVI.

Does the fact we have made the decision to try and have a family from a totally (probably for the first time ever) unselfish viewpoint not weigh in on this 'hell bound sentencing'?

We have invested, blood, sweat, and tears into this, all three quite literally, not to mention a few other bodily fluids, and we have as of yet, nothing to show for it only the prospect that any further action will see us keeping eternal company with murderers, paedophiles and rapists.

If I had any real faith left I'd be losing it right now.

If I wanted to get silly about it, and let's face it, that's what I do best, I'd start making claims that Jesus himself could have been the product of an assisted conception. Maybe Joseph had a touch of Spencer syndrome and had a few questionable wrigglers, maybe Mary was low on the old vitamin B6, we don't know, but we do know we are told that no uglies got bumped and yet voila! the son of God is delivered into the arms of his loving and soon to be sleep deprived parents.

Maybe.

I wonder did my main man Benedict even raise an eyebrow to the irony as he grasped his ruby studded gold pen from it's 14th century antique holder given as a gift from the court of some French or Spanish royal family, peering over his silver spectacle rims before penning the next mortal sin on his new list:

'Accumulating excessive wealth'

The Vatican website is located here, with the quoted passage located in their documentation, here.

Ovulation Observations

Just a brief mention for these ovulation prediction kits, or OPKs as they are known in the acronym rich world of TTC.

These are expensive little buggers, aren't they?

€32 for a package of 7 from our local friendly communist chemist. When you factor in mass panic, widespread insanity, a little stupidity, and not to mention being in the 13th cycle, that adds up to a whole lot of cash spent on a non-existent kid and no small amount of piss covered plastic.

Buying in bulk online would be admitting horrible things that should never be spoken. So that's what we've just done.

I also really want to meet the designers of these bloody things, what smart arse decided it was a good idea to have a 'smiley face' appear on them with a positive test?

Considering the positive result means you end up having to shag for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and your midnight snack for days on end, I think a more appropriate image should be considered.

My submission for a new OPK 'positive result image' is a stick-man clutching his crotch with a grimace of painful resignation, hopelessness, and poverty on his face.

Much closer to reality. Money grabbing sadistic bastards.