You don't really know me Ellie but I know quite a bit about you. I've known your 'mother' ET for quite a long time, and we even had you and your sisters pointed out to us by a specialist last week.
I hope you don't mind me saying, but you really are a pretty egg.
I know this is a really old fashioned way of doing things, but sometimes the old traditions are best, you know?
I'm aware that you have lots of guys hanging around, bugging you and trying to get into your good books, and I know that up until now, you've resisted their advances.
You're an egg with high standards in morality and taste, always something to be admired.
You see Ellie, I have a buddy, and he's taken quite a shine to you. He really is different to all those that you've met before for many reasons.
He's been admiring your for a long time, over a year in fact. You don't know this, but every month when you take your trip down south to the beach house in the 'tubes, he travels from a place that is beyond even the realms of your imagination just to try and meet you there. He truly goes to tremendous effort.
He's made twelve attempts now to rendezvous with you, but each time he just misses out. I don't intentionally want to make you feel bad, but this is getting him down just a little bit.
Not that he's given up, absolutely not, quite the opposite in fact Ellie.
When he started making his trips to meet you, he wasn't the best swimmer in the world. Frankly, he sucked. The measure of his character is that he just didn't give up, he got to work, he trained and conditioned himself, and now he's one the best swimmers you could ever hope to meet (and not too shabby in a pair of speedos, not that that should influence you in any way, of course).
Basically Ellie, this wee guy may not be the most handsome nor the brightest you'll ever meet, but he's hardworking and is busting his milky backside to get a chance to meet you.
I guess what I'm saying is we know you are taking another trip south in a couple of days, and he has really given his all to be ready to get there to meet you in time. Not only does he want to meet you, but he'd like the chance maybe to take you for a bite to eat, or for a drink of something, non-alcoholic naturally.
He really wants to impress you, between you and me Ellie, I think he believes you are the one for him. He's quite the romantic that way, he is convinced it's fate that you both should meet and settle down somewhere nice, just the two of you.
I know you enjoy your lifestyle at the moment, the freedom to come and go, hanging out with your sisters up north, and heading down south to party every month or so, but doesn't even the smallest part of you wish for someone special to keep you company?
So, my dear girl, when you reach the 'tubes, keep an eye out for him, he won't be the one shouting the loudest or getting drunk or making rude jokes, but he'll be the one that's worked the hardest to get there.
You could do a lot worse. Just give it some thought, eh?
P.S. How could I forget? His name, is Spencer.
You should be able to recognise him because he's the one with the wallpaper paste complexion, the glint in his eye, and the big heart.
...oh yes, and braces.