All this waiting makes my tits itch. I need to be more occupied. Not in a "the German's are advancing on the Eastern front" kind of way, but rather, just to be kept busy.
What better way to pass the time, than a game?
A waiting game, a two week wait waiting game, a two week wait waiting game game-show!
It could have different rounds, starting with 'find & destroy'.
This is where the fella has to locate, and dispose of, all ovulation prediction piss sticks discarded by his fine lady during the previous ovulation blitz. A point for him for each one he finds, one for her for any he misses.
So far I've found them under my printer tray, two on the office window sill, and one in my shoe.
There may be up to 6 more on the loose.
You could have the 'straw clutching' round, where you take every tiny symptom and turn it into a sure sign that heaven has smiled on our miserable existences and granted us the gift of reproduction. You can get up to 10 points for this, split between the symptom and the farfetchedness of the straw you clutch.
So far, ET had a 'twinge' on Sunday (after lying on the couch for 9 hours straight) so that MUST mean that mini me has sunk his teeth into Ellie, right?
That's an automatic five pointer for her.
I've found that my mantitties are a bit tender these days, which scores high on the symptom scale but blows the fuse on the straw-clutching scale. Just because I don't have a cervix?
Sounds like nit picking to me.
There's the 'quickie', a round of fast fire questions relating to the cycles just passed, and approaching.
-"Day of ovulation this cycle?"
-"Will ovulation fall while we have visitors next time?"
-"No, 5 days before"
-"Did I take my vitamin C on CD21?"
-"Was it good for you?"
No game-show would be complete without the 'menstruation guesstimation' round, where both partners get to guess the day on which the cycle will end, and blood and tears will flow.
Ten points are on offer for the correct date, with a point being dropped for every day you are out by, - if it's early!
If it arrives late, you lose 2 points for every day you are out, just to add insult to misery and any raised hopes.
The person with the most points accumulated (when all your hopes and dreams are torn from your grasp and danced upon in front of your very eyes by skinny people wailing 'nah-nah-nah-nah-nah') gets to choose the bottle of wine which will start the 'PPPP' (Post period Piss-up party).
We'll be right back, after this commercial break.