Thursday, 25 September 2008

Exasperated Ellie

Finally some peace and quiet around here!

Spencer was supposed to keep me company while they are gone off moose riding, or playing Mountie mounting games, or overdosing on maple syrup, but he seems to have nodded off somewhere.

Yeah, shocker, I know.

So I'm bored and I've no one to talk to. I've got a few hundred thousand eggy sisters in the follicle fraternity but only one of us at a time is allowed out. So it's just me, Ellie.

I don't mind being sent out alone normally, as long as they don't start poking and prodding me, or checking up on me.

I keep having to tell people my LH measure so they know when I'm on my way, it's like a curfew. So not fair.

I think they don't believe what I tell them anymore because they have started taking daily temperatures and regularly checking the go-goo down by the trap door.

Gross if you ask me.

There's an awful lot of pressure on us eggs to look good these days, especially with all the paparazzi buzzing around.

Just a few weeks back, there I was in the shower, and this 'thing' pops up through the trap door.
At first I thought they were at it again, but turns out it wasn't that gross purple spitting thing that Spencer calls his 'pussy wagon', rather a bloody camera!

'Click click' and before you know it my modesty is on some TV on display to the entire world!

What's the first thing they talk about?
Yep, you guessed it, my size! They kept saying stuff like 'Oh shes 16mm, she's gotta go soon!'

I cried myself to sleep that night, only after eating two double chocolate swiss rolls though. I know Oprah says you should never eat after 8pm, but I figured she lives in Chicago so it was only lunch time there.

Turns out I shouldn't have done that, because just two days later the paparazzi peered in through the trap door again and did the same. 'She's gained 2mm!' they cried, 'She's definitely going today...'

Just for spite, I hung around for a week longer, that confused them.

Sigh.
Don't get me wrong, I'm an old fashioned kind of gal, I like to be treated like a lady, wined and dined.

Y'all have met Spencer? a nice boy, but a bit of a dweeb. I mean, I'm pretty sure we'll eventually get married and stuff, but not just yet, a girl's got to keep her options open.

I'm not quite ready to settle down, I'm barely over a week old really, so I have a lot of things to experience, you know?

I could get a job maybe, I could run as governor of Alaska, or as a director of an investment bank, or I could manage England's football team.

I'm probably overqualified for all of them though.

So maybe I will give Spencer a chance, he is funny and he does have fabulous hair.

Hmmm, I guess we'll just have to wait and see, but I've got to go now 'cuz 'Celebrity dancing with the Lohans' is about to start.

Laterz...


34 comments:

Bluestreak said...

Come on, Ellie, you´re not gonna find another guy like Spence. He would travel the unknown seas for you. I vote for an elopement.

Sarah said...

ok, the spencer thing was funny...but now this....Oh my! You my friend need a nice long vacation. =)

nutsinmay said...

Bwahahahahahahaa ohhhhh you're so funny. Nice one.

bsouth said...

Nice to meet you Ellie, finally a sensible voice on the blog. You certainly are overqualified for those jobs and besides, Spencer means well, he's just a bit tardy. You'll get there though, you've got lots of people rooting (pardon the pun) for you.

Chaos said...

Oh Ellie you can't be too picky and Spence is a nice guy. Give him a chance, and maybe governor of alaska would be a good move for you.

iVegasFamily said...

I don't know what Spencer's problem is. If I were him, I'd tap that Ellie for sure.

Russ said...

Welcome back Xbox! Good to meet Ellie again, she seems like quite the girl. Hope Spence can hook up with her.

Kori said...

Oh, God, ellie, get OVER yourself. You will get to be my age and just be happy ANYONE wants to come near you, and dude(ette), THAT is not a happy feeling; grab ahold og him while he is still interested or he is going to bypass you and head straight for someone who shows a little bit more enthusiasm and a LOT less pickiness. Just sayin'.

frogpondsrock said...

Bloody paparazzi are everywhere these days..

Kelley said...

"thing that Spencer calls his 'pussy wagon'"

bwaaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaaaaaa!!


Awesome dude.

Hey Ellie! Can you see Russia from your house?

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

Reading your "talking like a teenage girl" really creeps me out.

Mike said...

Yeah, I agree, the teenage girl thing is just a little creepy. Though I hope they get together, I'm a sucker for a romantic comedy...

James Austin said...

Typical female! Spencer is too nice a guy right. What, you want to date a rebel for a while first? That never works out. They will just break your heart, and maybe your arm too (that's if you actually had an arm.) cus those rebels are bad news.

Now Spence, he may not be much to look at, but he is dedicated and persistant. Just give him a try for crying out loud!

abritdifferent said...

You kill me. Just when I think there's no other way to broach the subject, you prove me wrong. Nice one.

jothemama said...

Ha, lunch time in Chicago, that's great.

Angel said...

I don't know if writing these made you feel better, but reading them has made my morning!

geeksinrome said...

If you don't sleep with him there are at least 10,000 other sexy white chicks right behind you just waiting for their chance to go steady wid da Spece!

What do they say over here? "Close your eyes and think of England" ??

Amy said...

Hey Ellie, like, what-ever. We all know that you've been having saucy dreams about dividing with him.
You're not fooling anyone.
BTW, I heard Spence likes women of substance.

tiff said...

Oh Ellie,
It is time to settle down and is Spence so bad after all, I mean as far as sperm go, he's ok, right?
I seriously think you need to re evaluate your situation, I mean, if you don't you will get the big red flush in a couple of weeks. Think about it girlfriend.

baby~amore' said...

I love the Oprah excuse ...and this was so funny.

Comm'on we know Spencer is a keeper and a heart melter.

Rikki said...

Come on Ellie girl, go for it! Spence seems like a stand up guy...uh...sperm.

River said...

Governor of Alaska? Really, Ellie, I think your destiny lies much closer to home.....and you know Spencer will always be there for you.

The Microblogologist said...

Alaska is fricking freezing, you'd have to be crazy to want to live there! I say get nice and cozy with Spencer and stay away from the north pole and the trap door for the next 9 months...

Momo Fali said...

Oh, thank goodness. Because I ate some Swiss Rolls the other night, and if you ate Swiss Rolls too...that means we canceled out each others calories.

Captain Steve said...

Poor Ellie, I feel your pain. It does suck indeed to be limited in man choices, but think of it this way, dear: Spence is a great guy. And you want a friend, right? Perhaps you could hang out, get to know him a little better - everyone loves a guy with a sense of humor.

Jen said...

Ellie, Spence even brought you FLOWERS! Do you have any idea what a rare breed he is?! Quit playing hard to get and let him in.

B said...

what spencer needs is to be made a bit cooler.

lets say he becomes the spencemeister, gets some gel and sunglasses; i could imagine all the characters of the 80s teen film he's set in swooning over him then

Dto3 said...

XBOX - You're very welcome for the award. I have posted the icon for the Brillante Weblog on my blog and if you "Save As..." the picture, you can then post it to your Lurve section. Hope that helps. Keep the su"spence" coming! Ooooh, that just didn't sound right. You know what I mean.

nola said...

Open up, Ellie!! Expand your worldview!!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Everyone...

Yeah I know, sorry, I've lost it a bit ;0)

pri said...

tee hee hee, yur a funni guy, awesum blog!!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@pri - thanks !

welcome.

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