Monday, 5 January 2009

Happy 2010

Sometimes having a brain is not advantageous.

The ability to perform simple arithmetic can sometimes thrust you into a depression, the depths of which would make the aftermath of being sodomised by a giraffe on your mother's kitchen table, on the hour, every hour for a fortnight seem like a lottery win.

No, I'm not having a seizure of some sort, let me explain the juicy fact I have discovered for you.

Today is CD05 or so of cycle twenty-mother-have-mercy-on-our-souls-three.

I've calculated ahead, and the next two cycles should end somewhere around the 26th January and the 24th February, give or take a day or two.

That means that the specialist appointment will fall somewhere in the middle of the 3rd cycle from now on March 11.

This, in turn, means that even should they get a rocket up their arses and do something immediately, it won't be until the 4th cycle from now.

That's the end of March, start of April, or more interestingly (to the desperate among us, at least) that's week 13 and 14 of the year.

What does that mean?

I would wait and let you have a guess, but the discovery of this fact has sparked off the formation of an ulcer which has dislodged itself and found it's way into my blood stream, making it only a matter of time before it works it's way up to my cranial cavity and settles, leaning it's big doc marten boots on my frontal lobe, resulting in my head exploding.

A closed casket perhaps, but an end to misery nonetheless. Every cloud and all that.

I digress, what that sequence of cycles and dates means is that, quite literally barring a miracle, we won't be welcoming any pesky wee baby in 2009.

2009 is hereby cancelled.


64 comments:

Horse Chick said...

I second that! Damnit!!!!!!!

Russ said...

You may not be welcoming a wee baby, but you can experience, second hand, all the joys of the first and second trimesters! (Second is a hell of a lot better than the first btw.)

Anonymous said...

Good one Russ! besides I need to make it to March 12th 2009, so ye can't cancel it.
Deno

K. Bauer said...

Fair enough.

iVegasFamily said...

Does this mean I have to skip to another year older?

Putz said...

the problem with your whole life is the way you are numbering your cyclees...you need to start your very first crcle as .0011 and this very last cycle as ..oo1 and so now you haven't even begun your 1st cycle yet

Horse Chick said...

Dang you guys!!! How about abit of sympathy for Xbox!!! And "second-hand" experiences really suck!

womb for improvement said...

You said you didn't really like the number 9 anyway so this way your kid won't have to suffer the igmony of birth date that ends 09.

Either that or you could try not writing off the next couple of cycles just yet...

Sue said...

Ouch. And the weight of that realization came down hard. *hugs*

Christa said...

2010 is the year to be. For sure.

I'm wishing we can skip ahead to it and get these next few months out of the way.

WhatAboutNovember said...

Yes. I know what you mean. The fact that we only have 3 more months to make a 2009 baby has not escaped my attention. And I'm not liking it at all.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Damn years, and dates, and cycles, and counting and crap.

Megan said...

I'm sorry. =( Truely!!

Maybe some of the books I recommended on my blog the other day would be worth checking into.

Continued prayers for you and E!

Ed (zoesdad) said...

Using your logic, then....can I make this year one more appealing to me? Like 1998 or 99. Those were pretty good ones.

Craig D said...

Wow, sorry to hear that...

Hold it. What was that about a giraffe?

bsouth said...

Damn - that's fucking tough. I'm sorry. You need to stop thinking about giraffes like that, it's not healthy.

nh said...

Agreed - let's just cancel 2009. Nothing good is going to come of it anyway - except my holiday!

However, you're still in with a chance of the 'first baby' of 2010! See I'm hopeful for you.

AnnD said...

I like the 2nd commenter....just because the baby won't be here doesn't mean they won't be baking! Pregnancy is fun! Plus, they are much easier to take care of in there! I'm hoping for baby bumps in 2009 for you (and me too)!

James Austin said...

Ok, that is just not cool. Sorry.

Nola said...

Hmm. 2010 is so much more round and pleasant a number. So there's that.

Just think of being preganant for Christmas. You'll have one more gifts for yourself. Once baby comes, gifts go to baby, not you.

Bright sides and all.

Mo and Will said...

XBox

I did similar math and came up with a similar dismal prognostication for us too. Bah!

Mo

zakary said...

Sending happy baby vibes for whatever year it is your baby decides to make his/her appearance.

It's gonna happen!

anymommy said...

Math sucks, stick with writing. I'm sorry. I know that calendar is plaguing. But, I think other commenters have a small consolation point. You are going to conceive that beautiful baby in 2009 and once that happens, there will be so much joy and so much to experience, the ETA won't matter as much.

IrishNYC said...

But with all the hope in the world, you'll at least have one on the way in 2009.

Baby steps, my friend, baby steps.

Veronica said...

Ugh, maths. I'm sure we left that behind in highschool for exactly this reason.

Bonnie B. said...

Hey, hey, hey - stop that!! I do NOT come here for complicated math word problems, dammit. (If two trains left the station traveling at the same distance...)

Plus - if you cancel 2009 we can't listen to those wonderful snot-laden stories of your glorious love-making. And those are entertaining, lemme tell ya!

Tanya said...

NOOOOOOOOO......2009 will be the year that it happened....2010 will be the year that it arrived.

2010 is a nice even number to have a baby in anyway. Mine is going to have a birthday may/june 2009. 05/09 or 06/09. Uneven.

tiff said...

Maths is totally overrated and what's more it sucks. Much like the thought of you not having a baby this year.

Leslie Laine said...

This is the best news I've heard since 2009 rolled in.

The Microblogologist said...

Happy 2010 to you too!

Chhandita said...

I figured that out a few days ago...Well, here's is to 2009 then!

Tara R. said...

Dammit! I don't like this New math.

frogpondsrock said...

I wonder if giraffe's penises are blue as well??

Kelley said...

damn you and your mad math skillz.

River said...

Well that sucks. Although you do still have two possibility cycles. And once you two are pregnant, none of this will matter.

Math is only fun when you're counting money.

Edith said...

Yup yup, I know...
For me it means that I only have a few months left to be a mum before I'm 40!!!!

jothemama said...

Yeah, I'm alright with that, I'm not liking 2009 much so far.

I think you've got to go present that iidea to your doctor and demand a rethink - you've nothing to lose, eh?

M+B said...

Bugger! Hoping you get to enjoy a 'hormonal, pregnant woman' for 2009!

Kori said...

You know what? That sucks. Can I just slink into a back room somewhere and slit my wrists now?

Bluestreak said...

This reminds me of a text message I got on New Years at midnight>

"The financial crisis is over! Happy 2016!"

Hang in there xbox. 2009 isn't gonna be canceled because you guys will be expecting and all giddy. I can feel it.

areyoukiddingme said...

Is it U2 that has the line about Running to Stand Still?

Hope the non-year flies by for you...

Joe said...

2009 is the year of the Ox according to the Chinese calender. Now, if you or ET were Chinese, you'd realize what a bad thing it is.

There's a reason why shit happens dude. It's the Chinese. Maybe you have traces of the Chinaman in you. Didn't you say you ate Peking noodles the other day?

FYI on the Yr of the Ox:

"They are revered animals who symbolize diligence, reliability, sincerity, strength and sound judgment. But, don't expect these lumbering souls to have a sparkling sense of humor or be style conscious...it's not part of their precious package!

Can you imagine a humorless Xbox Junior? I can't. So just shush and ride out this pathetic year.

DrSpouse said...

But you'd be jolly happy with a nice big bump, wouldn't you? Honestly?

Tismee2 said...

I don't like the 2009 thing either. not sure why, it just seems like a nothingy nine number.

But if you pull your finger out(maybe that's the problem??) there is the slimmest chance that you could have the very first baby in 2010. Twenty Ten, now that's what I call a number!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Horse Chick - Yeah!

@Russ - I'll bear that in mind for when the stork comes a callin'

@Deno - You'll get there, I'm sure of that now.

@K. Bauer - Indeed! Welcome!

@iVegasFamily - Well its not like you can lose any more hair.

@Putz - Putz, you're killing me.

@Horse Chick - a tough crowd horse chick, tough crowd.

@womb for improvement - I'm waiting for the smart arse comment.... oh wait, not writing off the next two cycles, was that it?

@Sue - Sorry to bring ya down!

@Christa - Blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

@WhatAboutNovember - and then it'll be next birthdays, and holidays and xmas again....

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - Sorry, no more math, I know it's taxing.

@Megan - To be honest they seemed very female targeted, which is great of course, unless you have dangling bits.

@Ed (zoesdad) - knock yourself out!

@Craig D - long necks. Hmmmm beeeeeeer.

@bsouth - nothing unhealthy about giraffe love.

@nh - that's almost depressing!

@AnnD - You're gonna lap us....

@James Austin - it's not is it? meh.

@Nola - Might buy myself a big robot horse or something.

@Mo and Will - nasty thought isn't it?

@zakary - Hmmm, you sound confident.

@anymommy - the ETA hahaha. It won't come via UPS!

@IrishNYC - baby steps have been taken, for almost 2 years.

@Veronica - 'Secondary' school woman!

@Bonnie B. - we shall see

@Tanya - Odd would suit me fine right now.

@tiff - Inbloodydeed.

@Leslie Laine - stay tuned, I can wipe a few decades off the clock if I try harder.

@The Microblogologist - ;0)

@Chhandita - onwards!

@Tara R. - you and me both

@frogpondsrock - Blue as well as what?

@Kelley - Yes, counting is a terror.

@River - No luck with money either really!

@Edith - I love cheering you guys up!

@jothemama - I'm thinking of purchasing an air rifle.

@M+B - me too, now where can I get one?

@Kori - Back rooms are 65 bucks an hour and bring your own razors.

@Bluestreak - 2016...hahaha that's optimistic.

@areyoukiddingme - That's them, thanks.

@Joe - Thank you for insulting over a billion of the humans on the planet. More potential readership lost.

@DrSpouse - Well, I have a nice big bump, it's ET who's feeling left out.

@Tismee2 - I'm off to drown myself.

Anonymous said...

I hope a baby is conceived in March - maybe you'll spend next new year's eve in a labour ward - here's hoping.
i thought I was preg, well, I was so I really felt I was half-way there but miscarried today - very early, only 6 weeks. Third miscarriage. So much for having a summer baby

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Anonymous - I'm very, very sorry to hear that.
I hope you can find some comfort.

3 losses is an awful lot to have to cope with.

Take care.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Anonymous - actually, if you think want to rant or just get it out, please feel free to send an email if you like.

Amy said...

OMG, in light of the giraffe thing, I really can't imagine depression that bad... No fippant comments for you in that case.
I'm sorry that the chances of you having a newborn in 2009 are not so good. I'm still hoping for your next couple of cycles though, even if you guys would prefer not to get your own hopes up too high. xx

Sue said...

Don't you care apologize to me! I was feeling sympathetic towards you and what seems like sucky news. YOU have nothing to be sorry for, period.

Sue said...

*dare... I meant to say *dare, not care. haha. Oh my.

Anonymous said...

Xbox, you are such a sweetheart. Lovely words to Anonymous, it touched me. Who said Irish fellas are selfish gits?
Deno

Jenni said...

Math is hard. All those numbers make my brain hurt. But, in all seriousness, that f-ing sucks.

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Never say never!

Thinking of you guys all the time.

-Hil

Jane G said...

I'm with WFI in not writing off the next two cycles. Weren't you the one who said fat ladies and all that?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Amy - Giraffe love rules. Thanks.

@Sue - Deep breaths Sue...

@Deno - ah but we are, kind of...

@Jenni - It does that!

@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - That's fighing talk!

@Jane G - Hmmm. It's like having a scratchcard, we'll scratch it anyway, but everyone knows we wont win big from it.

battynurse said...

I had pretty much figured out that same math for myself although coming at it from a different perspective and it made me want to puke and then crawl into bed for 2009.
I've seen your comments before on another blog I read from time to time but this is the first time I've visited. I've obviously been missing out on seriously funny stuff. Thanks for making me giggle.

geeksinrome said...

that sucks you can't get looked at earlier... it really takes a toll having appointments so far apart and even worse when one procedure fails. who wants to wait 3 months for another go!!??

i feel for you, but agree with other comments here. just getting a positive pee stick at some point it going to be as amazing as actually getting that baby in your arms. don't cross 2009 off completely yet, mate.

Jenn said...

I got preggers in the beginning of April with my son after three years of trying and had him Dec 20 ... so, there is some hope. Don't cancel the year just yet!!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@battynurse - Yeah the reality ain't always niuce, thanks and welcome.

@geeksinrome - Yeah we know in the end, it will all be worth, doesn't make today any easier though.

@Jenn - Well aren't you a very efficient little incubator!
Congratulations, shouldn't you be asleep...

James Austin said...

(from Mrs. LIYAF)

Not that I don't want you to have a baby this year, but it would be soooo much damn cooler to be born in 2010. Very sci fi and hip. You could even pick a name from the movie. If the baby is a boy, you could name him Heywood, Alexi, Leonov, Arthur, Clarke or even HAL. That would be sweet! If the baby's a girl, you could name her Chandra, Tanya or Olga.

Also, 2010 would make it very easy to remember said child's age (one year old in 2011, five years old in 2015). Trust me, anything to help the memory is good (none of us are getting any younger).

Don't write off 2009 . . . but 2010 has its own cool attributes!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Mrs LIAYF - I'm liking HAL!

funny comment, thanks.

Anonymous said...

Hi again,

Anonymous here again, many thanks for your kind comments. Had a few teary days but as you express so well, all we can do is try again.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Anonymous - Again I'm sorry you've had to go through it all.

The offer stands.

Best of luck to you.