Wednesday, 28 January 2009

Coming soon

From the makers of '28 days' and 'Knocked up'...

"In a land far, far away, harmony reigned.

He and she toiled and foiled, happy in life.

That was until one day, it all came crashing down around them.

They had feared it's arrival. They were right to...."

Twenty third cycle fox pictures presents: The Period.

Critics have been animated in their praise:

"The most horrific disaster movie ever made" - Men's Health Magazine.

"The bloodshed was like nothing I'd ever seen before" - The Kabul Chronicle.

"The academy will be rolling out the red carpet for the red carpet" - Menstrual Monthly Magazine.

A star studded and impeccably chosen cast includes Jim Carrey as the crippled, double tailed, warped headed, useless Spencer, the spastic sperm.

A wonderful dual role with Hugh Grant playing the limp dick, and introducing a larger than life movie debut for Bono as the annoying, ever present, but ultimately useless cock.

The Olsen twins shake off their rom-com reputations with outstanding performances as the left and right ovaries.

You can 'look but never touch' Angelina Jolie in her role as the attractive, sexy, aloof but elusive Ellie.

With special guest Morgan Freeman as "The Period".

Special previews at spotted underwear around the country from any minute now.

"The Period" coming soon to a tampon near you. Today. Or tomorrow. Perhaps, but coming, probably.



42 comments:

Amy said...

I'd like to shake the hand of the person who did the casting. Bono... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!
Morgan Freeman is an interesting choice...?
Hopefully The Period doesn't come to your neck of the woods for at least 9 months.
I'm really hoping for you guys.

jothemama said...

Feck that, you're looking for at least 18 moths, if you're lucky!

Angel said...

As bitchy as Ellie is being these days, don't let that skank play her! I'm cheering for Ellie!

I would gladly have two periods a month for the next nine months if ET would find herself knocked up and on a red hiatus!

Kelley said...

So what part to I play?

Snarky sexy Aussie friend who just wanders around being awesome?

Cause I can totally do that.

And Prince Charles needs to play the tampon. Totally.

Sarah said...

Oooh, good call on casting Angie as Ellie.

Bluestreak said...

I love horror movies. But this, this might scare someone's panties off.

P.S. Limp dick. I just used the term limp dick like two seconds ago over at Ask. We both have limp dick on the mind. Ew. Limp Dick.

Jane G said...

Yep, there's currently a five day run of this one in hour house. The reviews are pretty crap though.

tysdaddy said...

Morgan Freeman . . . he could narrate a teeth-grinding shit and make it sound like the most amazing shit on the planet.

Good luck not getting an NC-17 rating for this disaster . . .

Penelope said...

Soon maybe...but not yet!!

Ms. Moon said...

You scared me.

womb for improvement said...

Is this a remake of the 1958 classic 'The Blob'?

Russ said...

Your casting is spot on! Bravo!

Having said that, I'll give the movie a pass.

(Still chuckling at Hugh Grant as the limp dick and Bono as the useless cock.)

Craig D said...

This isn't one of those IMAX movies, is it?

(TAMPAX, maybe..?)

I suspect concession sales will be lower than usual for this one.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Amy - Isn't Morgan always the ultimate power?

@jothemama - i don't get it.

@Angel - No need to worry there.

@Kelley - your future king you mean?

@Sarah - I thought so.

@Bluestreak - I really could do without it on my mind, in all fairness...

@Jane G - A private showing, lucky you!

@tysdaddy - By the time I'm finished swearing....

@Penelope - Soon.

@Ms. Moon - preparing you, is all.

@womb for improvement - it's a repeat all right. every fucking 4 weeks, worse than sky movies.

@Russ - I have Bono issues.

@Craig D - Dunno, beer and wine sales would be up...

RRP said...

Hey X - Heard the movie premieres here Friday, but I'll probably get a sneak preview tomorrow. Hopefully it won't make it out your way for a year or so.

John said...

Hahaha. Please tell me Morgan Freeman is narrating.

Karen MEG said...

Hey X, I needed this... what a hoot. I think you could have a second career as a casting agent, seriously :).

So where's Nathan Lane?

Amber said...

jothemama meant 18 months...I hadn't noticed at first, but I can see where you were confused. *chuckle* anyway, I was all disappointed when I first started, eventhough it was hilarious. heres to hoping it doesn't arrive for at least a year, and you'll not have to do this all again. good luck!

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

I'm so glad my super power isn't the ability to read minds. I might have to run screaming from yours.

WhatAboutNovember said...

so it's not here yet... right?

not a movie i'd fancy seeing, that's for sure.

but brilliant. i especially liked the Kabul Chronicle comment. haha

Elaine said...

Let's hope you have to push the release date back on that one.

Backpacking Dad said...

28 Days....that Sandra Bullock movie about rehab?

Joe said...

You need a global cast. Why isn't there an Indian call center operator thrown in for good measure? Racist.

iVegasFamily said...

Angelina as Ellie? Well, no wonder.

Susanica said...

Okay you scared me too.

And I totally get you. If you imagine the very worst then when a bad thing happens you can sort of smugly declare "see, that doesn't hurt so much--I totally predicted it."

Not that I ever engage in this sort of mental gymnastics ;-) FYI, I am really, really hopeful. Really, really! -Monica

Sadia said...

My two-year-olds want to know why I'm snickering at my computer screen. How you manage to be funny instead of bruising your fists on the nearest available wall, I don't know. This post is particularly inspired.

Heather said...

I too was scared when I first started reading. I really hope this bit of reverse psychology works out for you and ET. I'm doing the same number on myself right now..... I'm not sure that it will save me any disappointment, but oozing optimism wasn't working out so like you I'm trying something different.

Good luck!

Jenni said...

Why does everyone hate on Bono? My husband despises him, says he insists upon himself.

Anyways, I'm hoping this on never makes it to the theater, although Morgan Freeman rarely disappoints :)

bsouth said...

Maybe the spotting is an implantation bleed? Oh please, oh please, oh please.

Anja said...

Excellent, now when I send the partner out for emergency tampons at 4 in the morning, the plaintive yell shall be.

"Get your lazy ass out of bed and buy me chocolate and tampons. I'm on the Morgan Freeman"

Rikki said...

I think you should have Sir. Anthony Hopkins as narrator. Him or Boris Karlof.

Here till the end...

Rikki

Tismee2 said...

I still haven't got over the pigs blood in 'Carrie'. I'm not a fan of blood spatter patterns - although I do LOVE Dexter (FX on Sky!) doing his!

Did you understand any of that?

I agree that Morgan Freeman is a great choice.

IEAT_SNOWMANPOOP said...

nice cast

Deb said...

Nooooooooooooooo! Morgan Freeman is so overdone.

(Sorry.)

AnnD said...

Dude....you scared me. If it's not here, then don't fool with us! I hope she's puking with serious morning sickness soon!

A Free Man said...

Is there not any hope in that 'probably'?

Kim said...

I have always considered Morgan Freeman more like douche than a period but no more. Henceforth, all menses occuring under our roof shall be refferred to as "Morgan Freeman".

James said...

As sad as it is that is some seriously funny shit there Xbox. I hope no one gets to see this horror flick. Morgan Freeman as the period is frightening.

tiff said...

From now on mentruation in this house will be referred to as Morgan
and no longer the pink elephant.

Just as bizarre but totally superstar quality.

Tracey said...

I don't know how you come up with this stuff. You are a seriously sick, warped individual. I love it!

Lorna said...

Brilliant post and yep, you scared me too.
Lorna

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@RRP - fat chance!

@John - Of course! (welcome)

@Karen MEG - he only has a small part...

@Amber - I'm still none the wiser!

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - its not vacuuming either...

@WhatAboutNovember - At the time of writing...

@Elaine - would have been nice.

@Backpacking Dad - I buggered that oen up, shoudl have been "28 days later".

@Joe - I had in teh beginning, but no one could understand the fuckers.

@iVegasFamily - explains a lot, alright.

@Susanica - I'm not that clever.

@Sadia - inspired by sore fists...

@Heather - unfortunately no.

@Jenni - because he is a prick.

@bsouth - that old chestnut? no.

@Anja - that might actually catch on.

@Rikki - Get comfy.

@Tismee2 - not a single word, do you speak English?

@IEAT_SNOWMANPOOP - nice crutches...

@Deb - yep. me too.

@AnnD - I wasn't fooling, 'coming soon' is relatively clear, I thought.

@A Free Man - Mmmmmmm. Nope.

@Kim - Catchy indeed!

@James - no such luck.

@tiff - You have morgan freeman in your pants.

@Tracey - Drugs, mostly.

@Lorna - Boo.