Wednesday, 14 January 2009

He's alive!

I've been spending time in my workshop.

When I say workshop I mean kitchen, as it's the least used room in the house.

I'm sawing, hammering, and soldering.

I'm sketching designs and building prototypes in my manly man vest, with biceps, triceps and cyclops rippling, just a socially acceptable and generally considered sexy amount of sweat forming on my furrowed, yet undoubtedly wise, brow.

All by candlelight.

To create through a series of levers, loops, and pulleys, combined with a hammock, and a strategically placed hole, a bedroom based machine that preserves my energy while manoeuvring me appropriately, allowing me to carry out my husbandly duty.

A contrived conception contraption of sorts.

Why do I toil so into the bowels of the night?

It is time.

Go-goo has been washed ashore, the sign that my silky milky divers must be sent into the depths, in search of the sunken treasure released from a storm weathered and shipwrecked ovary.

It is time once again to enter the breech, for the twenty third time, armed with nothing more than a plentiful supply of blood to my groin.

It's ironic, cyclic, and more than a little stomach churning that a successful battle will stem the supply of blood to ET's groin.

The body is weary, but the will is, er, well, slightly less so.

Those of you with a God, pray for me. Everyone else, fetch ice.


48 comments:

Sarah said...

I'll grab the ice and perhaps a snack too.;)

Where can I get one of those machines?
Better get a patent on that my Dear.

Sarah said...

oh, and best of luck!

geeksinrome said...

Ice? for the after-party?? because i don't plan on attending the actual event no matter how intriguing your little shag machine sounds.

may your nuts and bolts be strong and greased.

Making Babies said...

May the force be with you!!! GL

Putz said...

you are building a brothel????????

Craig D said...

Um...

That's a blueprint for a knife?!?!?!?

What, exactly, do you have in mind?

Jane G said...

Go Spencer!

Russ said...

Dude! You live in Holland, and you have to build a sex device? Couldn't you just buy one?

Kori said...

Just make sure you wipe that "just the right amount" of sweat off your brow before you head in. Becaue based on some of your previous posts, that might just drown her.

Ms. Moon said...

I, too, noticed the knife. This, and this alone could explain your up-to-now fertility problems.
PUT YOUR GLASSES ON, MAN!
You're trying to make a baby, not a sandwich!

Joe said...

While you're in the kitchen, keep an ice pick at a convenient yet discreet location. These things can come in handy when you run outta kinky ideas.

Not that I'd know. But just trying to be supportive y'know?

People in the Sun said...

Just keep us in your thoughts when it happens. Actually, pretend we're all there.

Tyler @ Building Camelot said...

I'm with @Sarah - you better get a patent on that thing. I'm assuming you've shopped around and haven't found anything to your liking. If this thing actually works then you've struck a gold mine!

womb for improvement said...

Who would have guess you were so handy around the house. And now, get hands on with the wife.

Bluestreak said...

Atta boy.

Hmmm. My thoughts are:

a) what the heck are you building? a sex swing, perhaps? Oh, xbox, you are creative aren't you?

b) What is the ice for? cocktails? to cool down the place after you've steamed things up?

c) your manliness seeps through your writing. Remember the diet coke commercials? That's what I'm envisioning.

Go get 'em xbox.

Bonnie B. said...

I'm not wasting ice on anything but gin & tonic, sir. So I don't know what you had in mind but.....fugettaboutit!

Jenni said...

you can't possibly be tired of sex? or too tired for sex? is there such a thing?

Amanda said...

May your "divers" swim with speed and good direction. (I'm not so sure they'll need a knife though).

Anja said...

Rippling Cyclops?

I don't want to think about anything 'one eyed' at this hour of the morning.

A knife? Now that may be fun for whimsical bonking, but I don't see how it is going to improve your chances for knocking up the missus. While we're talking diagrams; dude, do you need a diagram for where to put the 'cyclops'?

kittyconcerto.com said...

You should make, market and sell these! The boys who buy viagra would be willing customers I'm sure!

I'll pray, bring ice and a tub of jello. Seemed appropriate at the time...

Tismee2 said...

Manly man vest????

string perhaps?

Hope ET doesn't end up impaled on the wall.

Chaos said...

I'll be in charge of ice! Who knew you were so handy? Swim Spencer Swim!

that girl said...

I'm a little afraid of that sketch up there..

Good luck anyway though. Hump and Hope. :)

Maxi Cane said...

Are DIY jokes still funny?

Let me know before I post one.

K. Bauer said...

Bon voyage, dear Xbox. May the wind be at your back and your sails never at half mast.

iVegasFamily said...

Wishing you all the luck.

Veronica said...

So I'm curious now, is the ice for your balls, or for the drink you are going to definitely be needing during the waiting again?

James Austin said...

You might be able to mass produce that contraption. How much for blog buddies?

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Praying!!

LOL at "silky milky divers"

:)

Paint it Black said...

Would you like a straight jacket with your ice sir?

bsouth said...

I'm making ice as quickly as I can (which isn't that fast but I'm doing my best). I'm also praying to all of the gods that I never believed in before (if we don't tell them it'll be ok). Good luck.

nutsinmay said...

Good Lord. You've spent entirely too much time thinking, haven't you?

Go to it, young Xbox.

B said...

I'm pregnancy hugely wrong but did you just say you made some sort of masturbation machine

thank god for friefoxs spell corrector

River said...

A ripplicyclops? Now, that's a new one....Good luck with the machine, hope it doesn't collapse at a crucial moment. I have plenty of ice on hand, but I'll say a few prayers as well, okay?

Penelope said...

Go get 'em tiger!
Ok, I can't do that and keep a straight face, sorry!
Good luck!!

Claire said...

Hurrah - glad you're back to your usual hilarious, humping self again. Go Team Spencer!!!!

tiff said...

*Grabbing the ice*
Am I too late?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Sarah - Low fat now!

@geeksinrome - hee hee hee funny.

@Making Babies - Thanks!

@Putz - Gosh no...Me?

@Craig D - Kebab?

@Jane G - You'll have to shout louder for that fecker.

@Russ - you've no idea the cost of those OPKs man.

@Kori - A peacful ending, supposedly...

@Ms. Moon - Making me hungry...

@Joe - Yes, very supportive, encouraging random voilence.

@People in the Sun - what are you wearing?

@Tyler @ Building Camelot - It's gotta work first...

@womb for improvement - yep, remotes, beer bottles, I have the hang of them all.

@Bluestreak - I was going for the diet coke add picture!

@Bonnie B. - Lush...

@Jenni - weary, perhaps...

@Amanda - Thank you!

@Anja - all in a day's work...

@kittyconcerto.com - will be available in my online store soon.

@Tismee2 - Some wouldnt mind...

@Chaos - to the tune of 'run forrest, run'

@that girl - as always!

@Maxi Cane - not if you worked for MFI I reckon...

@K. Bauer - Well, half mast will get us nowhere.

@iVegasFamily - thank you sir.

@Veronica - both!

@James Austin - recession specials!

@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - Cheers.

@Paint it Black - I'd much prefer a homosexual garment!

@bsouth - They'll know!

@nutsinmay - it's an affliction...

@B - Say no to drugs...

@River - that'll do me...

@Penelope - rawr...

@Claire - Thanks.

@tiff - Never...!

AnnD said...

Good luck! I hope this shot is the score!

Maxi Cane said...

What, the secret service people?

Edith said...

Go-Go Inspector Gadget! ;)

Good luck!

:)

Maggie, Dammit said...

Manly man vest?

Tara R. said...

Do you prefer your ice in cubes or crushed. Shaken or stirred/

S said...

Chin up mate.

You might be that many cycles in, but just think, it is 23 cycles closer than you were at the start.

You're getting closer every day.

Well, that is how I get through it all anyway.

Amy said...

IRT those suggestions about marketing your sexy, sexy machine... Perhaps a series of bulk emails...?

Tanya said...

hmmmmm going into battle?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@AnnD - Stranger things have happenned I suppose.

@Maxi Cane - no the crime scene folk

@Edith - I WILL inspect her gadget!

@Maggie, Dammit - think diet coke ad...

@Tara R. - Shaken not disturbed more like...

@S - Oi vey... Is it possible to get closer to an infinite number?

@Amy - It needs a few tweeks here and there first

@Tanya - That's one word for it!

K8 the Gr8 said...

Where's the cyclops muscle or should I just not ask?