Tuesday, 8 December 2009

Horizontal stripes

It is remarkably small.

Tiny.

Balled up it would fit in my tightened fist, which I couldn’t even dare to do, for the baby Jesus would surely weep and governments would fall if that kind of violence were to be perpetrated against such fabric innocence.

Opened up, it fits onto the palm of my hand. The short sleeves not even long enough to hang over the sides.

It looks warm, it feels warm, but it is just so small. How can it ever be enough to protect a human torso to the extent that fingers stay warm, shoulders feel snug with a dozing head flopped against them, and a pot belly remains unbothered by draft.

It is the cause of comically disproportionate indecision . What to do with such a thing?

Should we throw open the double doors of the wardrobe, to hang it from the rail, sliding it from the left, to the centre, to the right before sliding it back again? The space below it seemingly vertigo inducing, a long way down for such a small thing.

Should we feed it into the cavernous jaws of the dresser drawer, laying it flat on the lined tongue of the huge beast before pushing its jaws shut around it? Opening and closing it twice more to make sure it’s still there, still ok in the dark, before taking it out to place it on the palm of my hand again.

Try once more, this time absurdly folding it to puff out its chest, and sliding it into the corner where it can at least keep an eye out for danger.

It is not easy to leave the room. It is not easy to put it to rest, such a small thing, the striped sweater with an anxious magnetism.


29 comments:

Jenni said...

newborn clothes are impossibly, heartbreakingly small. you've got that one nailed.

Ms. Moon said...

That was beautiful, Daddy X. Very, very poignant.
The waiting...
The disbelief.

Buck said...

So is this tiny stripey item pink or blue? Just wondering.

Erika said...

So well-captured.

Missives From Suburbia said...

You will be equally baffled by how quickly he/she grows out of that tiny sweater. And poops all over it.

P.S. Fold it. You change them so often in the early days that dealing with hangars becomes one more hassle you don't need when you're sleep-deprived.

WeaselMomma said...

You must have some fairly big hands. Just wait until it gets worn. Happy day.

Geeks in Rome said...

and that sweater will move you just the same the day the lil bugger doesn't fit in it anymore!

I've kept some of the kids' cute wee clothes just so I can remember how small they were: my fave is a tie-die onesie.

Misssy M said...

It's when you do a clear out about three/four months down the line of all the newborn stuff that doesn't fit anymore. You look at your kid and think- how did you ever fit into that?

rachelbk said...

I cried when my son's Wisconsin Badger snowsuit wouldn't fit anymore. Because it looked so cute on him, and because he is clearly not my tiny baby anymore. Now, diapers on the other hand, I'm so ready to put those away for good! But this is after 20 months of changing them day and night..

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Just you wait.

womb for improvement said...

Screw it up in a ball and throw it on the floor. That's how I store most of my clothes.

Mwa said...

Ah yes. The little clothes. We had quite a few, and then both babies were 52cm and never fitted in newborn stuff. All that money down the drain.
*bites fist in frustration*

Susanica said...

Yup. We'd gotten everything sized
"0-3" months for Danny and he was swimming in them. I still remember how shocking that was. We ended up having to buy a sized called NewBorn (NB) that I never knew existed. He was 6 lbs. 13 oz. Who knew that there could be a size smaller than 0 months??? Do you have a "bring baby home" outfit picked out yet? -M

Veronica said...

I remember packing my hospital bag and thinking how small everything was. How very very tiny.

And then Amy was born and the suits I'd so carefully packed were huge on her. I rolled sleeves and she STILL swam in them.

Sarah said...

Great post, X. Really.

jojo said...

this child may never know how many people in how many countries have awaited it's arrival. You are going to be the best dad ever!

Shanny said...

Aww this was so itty bitty sweet =)

Bonnie B. said...

And have you stopped to think about how you're ever going to put that itty bitty t-shirt onto an ever ittier and bittier human??? Boggles the mind, doesn't it?

River said...

The holding of the impossibly tiny clothes. I've done that. What's even more surprising is when you dress your newborn in these tiny items and discover they're actually too big! For about three weeks, then bub begins to grow, and grow, and grow. You're going to be buying larger sizes soon enough.

Betty said...

Aaaaaaaw. :D

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Jenni - Scary.

@Ms. Moon - Disbelief is right....

@Buck - nice try...

@Erika - thanks.

@Missives From Suburbia - noted...

@WeaselMomma - not at all!

@Geeks in Rome - hahah nice

@Misssy M - long way off!

@rachelbk - we're planning on training it at about 3 weeks.

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - for what?

@womb for improvement - impossible

@Mwa - i dont understand the sizes here either

@Susanica - they should have an 'embryonic'

@Veronica - yikes

@Sarah - thanks ;-)

@jojo - or a complete disaster!

@Shanny - heh, thanks.

@Bonnie B. - Stop, my brain!

@River - aggggh!

@Betty - haha.

Chris Mancini said...

Keep in handy. You won't be using ot for long. It seems like babies grow every four minutes.

James (SeattleDad) said...

We still pull them out every once in a while and marvel that he was ever that small. And that was only 2 1/2 years ago.

Keep it.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Chris Mancini - they do in the gut anyway. . .

@James - Can't imagine throwing them out.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

sounds like Moo's bikini. Ouch.

Amy said...

Aw, that's lovely. I must admit to an obsession with little clothes too. So much more exciting than grown-up clothes.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo - It wasn't THAT small...

@Amy - depends on just HOW grown up ;-)

Jo said...

:)

hotmamamia said...

catching up and can't believe it is drawing so near....so eloquently sated..didja look at the teeney tiny socks and shoes....awwwwwwwwwwww