Wednesday 19 December 2007

Seven Days, Seven Nights

Well folks, it's upon us.

Saturday morning ET & I head back to Ireland for a week of Christmas same oldishnessivity.

So Saturday is the start of SEVEN, (count them,) SEVEN days and nights with my out-laws... thats more days & nights than the number of toes I have (Damn you frostbite fetish club!).

From my out-laws, as Christmas gifts, I will receive a CD, and a DVD, they will both be Irish, and they will both be the top sellers this Christmas, and they will both be crap.
Also, I will receive the timeless gift of, 'irritation'. If I'm REALLY lucky, I'll get the box set which includes 'annoyance' and 'impatience'.
I will have to pet a dog to which I am allergic and have conversations to which I'm more allergicererer.

These will include me justifying why I don't have children, why I don't move back to Ireland, why I'm not richer, why I'm not taller, why I don't want a fourth kilogram of roast ham thank you very much, and why I haven't put a stop to global warming yet.

I will drink wine at the Christmas dinner table that has a higher ph level than the combined IQs of it's drinkers, and I will wear a paper crown, pulled from a paper cracker, just before I slam my paper face into the mashed potatoes in the hope of being the first ever victim of spudfixiation.

While all this fun is going on I shall be watching my wife for signs of pregnancy, after all, it IS the time of year for immaculate conceptions. (the 26th, send good vibes, or at least some cash money)

Casting aside the very fact that I probably will end up jailed before the end of my Christmas holiday, I want you to forget my misery and impending doom, and I want to wish you all a happy holiday.

Now, don't get me wrong, I don't want you all to have a Coca-Cola Christmas, with matching red and green outfits and rosey faced children, I want some rows, the occasional quarrel, and maybe even the odd drunken slump in your doorway.
But I DO wish you a Christmas, where you take a moment to look at what you have in front of you, be that one, two, or fourteen children, or even just the beginnings of a bump, give the wife, the hubby, the sperm doner, the turkey baster holder, or even just the randy milkman a squeeze and a peck on the cheek and be happy with your lot.

So you miserable bunch of peasants, just for one f&$#ing day, is that too much to ask?

Until next weekend,
Happy Christmas or just a Happy Holiday,
From Xbox4NappyRash & his split personalities.


frog ponds rock... said...

I spent a fortnight with the outlaws a few years ago..*phew*
Best of luck..

sending lotsa good vibes for the 26 your way..

I could make a smart arse comment here about pains in the bum etc etc but seeing its nearly christmas I wont...

Lance said...

Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas to you. If I was there with you, I would bring a fne bottle of Midleton Whiskey and we could drink Christmas away.

Good luck,

Anonymous said...

Last year we had a COMBINED love in. Mine, his and everybody's. It was NOT pleasant. I don't know who coined the phrase "Happy Christmas", but it is a myth. There is no good reason why you should be spared. I'll be thinking of you...

Craig D said...

Yes, there's no place like Hell for the Homey Days.

A Wailing Child's Christmas in Belfast?

Seven days with the in-laws makes one weak!



That's all I've got.

Merry Christmas to you and the wifely person!

Martin said...

@frog ponds rock
a restrained aussie? whatever next !

you DO have expensive taste, Depending on the age Middelton is seriously pricey.
All the best to the twins and whole family, enjoy.

My outlaws love my family, that just makes it worse. I try to keep them apart, but too often fail.
Thanks for dropping by and the nice comment.

Right back at ya Pops! Happy Christmas.

Anonymous said...

Be happy for what you do have:

1) Several miles of ocean between you and the outlaws. It could be worse. They could live next door, or in the same city.

2) 348 days of no outlaws.

3) Several Pints- to dull the pain

Chin Up! Be Brave! It will be over soon.

A little bit of advice on the conception thing. Don't try too hard. Stress has been known as a great contraceptive. Just let things happen.

Merry Christmas to you and ET.

Russ said...

Merry Christmas xbox! I'll tip my glass of bourbon to you (I am in the south after all). You have some of the Irish whiskey (my out-laws brought me back some from their visit, see mine aren't not all bad...)

Anonymous said...

Wishing you the happiest of Christmases - to you and ET. I hope, with all my heart, that you get what you want. I will be sending fertility vibes your way, sticky vibes as they say, in the world of trying to conceive.

Surely you can find some way of antagonising the in laws, time for a little pay back, me thinks.
I will love my kids especially hard this year and be very grateful for all that I have.

Anonymous said...

A happy Christmas to you and ET also!
I will be raising a glass to the two of you, and sending some good vibes, on the 26th. Fingers and toes crossed....

Martin said...

@Russ, @Mike, & @Chuck
Funny how the guys all mention booze!
thanks for the wishes and comment, I sincerly hope you have a happy Christmas.

Thank you very, very, much.

It's not all bad with the in-laws, they are good good people.

Veronica Foale said...

Merry Christmas to you too. I plan to hug Amy extra tight and think of all the good food I am allowed to eat because of a lack of a bump.

I will be thinking of you boxing day. Is it too much to ask that you sneak away to post a 'YES!' or a 'Ugh, Arghhh'?

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Spudfixation. Classic.

What a great post. Truly one of your best. You know I'm sending you buckets of baby dust for Dec. 26th.

Have a very happy Christmas and I really hope this new year is the year you get everything you want.

xoxo Hilary

Martin said...

Thanks Veronica & Hilary.

terancedubya said...

I read this a little late to send the good vibes on the 26th, BUT I will send good hunting vibes for the rest of the year. How does that sound? Wishing you a belated merry x-mas. Hopefully on new year's, you can let loose and have some shampain for me.

NH Yocal said...

What beautiful wishes! I hope you really didn't get spudfixiated though because you would be dearly missed.

And as for the drunken Santa fiesty little devil : )

Martin said...

@Terencedubya & @melinda, thanks for the comments and well wishes.

Hope you guys had a nice Christmas.