Thursday 24 April 2008

Ovulation Observations

Just a brief mention for these ovulation prediction kits, or OPKs as they are known in the acronym rich world of TTC.

These are expensive little buggers, aren't they?

€32 for a package of 7 from our local friendly communist chemist. When you factor in mass panic, widespread insanity, a little stupidity, and not to mention being in the 13th cycle, that adds up to a whole lot of cash spent on a non-existent kid and no small amount of piss covered plastic.

Buying in bulk online would be admitting horrible things that should never be spoken. So that's what we've just done.

I also really want to meet the designers of these bloody things, what smart arse decided it was a good idea to have a 'smiley face' appear on them with a positive test?

Considering the positive result means you end up having to shag for breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner and your midnight snack for days on end, I think a more appropriate image should be considered.

My submission for a new OPK 'positive result image' is a stick-man clutching his crotch with a grimace of painful resignation, hopelessness, and poverty on his face.

Much closer to reality. Money grabbing sadistic bastards.


Anonymous said...

I'm sure you'll look back fondly on these days and think it was all great fun and money well spent:-)

Ashley said...

lol what! You guys have smiley faces?! Dang, ours only had lines! lol

Anonymous said...

Oh, but they are far more expensive than that in the US!

Jason Roth said...

That's what we used recently and it worked...the first time. I guess we were lucky. Ours didn't have a smart ass smiley face though. Only a plus sign like the typical preg test.

BTW...Anonymous said that they are more expensive here in the U.S., but I didn't find that to be true. At the price you paid, that would be like $50 here. Ours cost way less than that.

Anonymous said...

AWESOME! You know that Murphy's Law would suggest that if you finally caved and spent a ton of money on something invariably that will mean you won't need it and can't return it. Here's hoping that's the case and after opening one package you'll want to be able to send the whole darn lot back because the smiley face finally smiled! Good luck!

The Miss of Abyss said...

Monique has read my mind.

You've spent bucketloads of money on 'piss on me smiley' and Spencer is probably partying in the egg zone.

Dude, question time:

What the heck is wrong with shagging morning, noon and night? There's a gazillion men out there who would love to be doing what you're doing.

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

I don't know why you complain complain complain about having to "do it" with your wife. Suck it up and f**k.

Karen MEG said...

Are you sure you have to do it morning noon and night? Don't you need to give Spencer time to recharge?

Hope you don't have to go through too many of those... but honestly, I think you've got a great point about the happy face .... sheesh!

MarĂ­a said...

Why are you bloggin? Shouldn't you be fucking right now?

Get to it!!!

Anonymous said...

Once you get heavy with the specialist, it will be bloodwork all the time and no peeing on sticks! I think the bloodwork is more expensive!

Go screw like bunnies!!

Lyssa said...

The sad thing is you're not enjoying all that shagging now. You realize once that crib midget appears you'll be lucky to get laid AT ALL the first 3-6 months. Maybe longer if the kid is colicky.

Jayne said...

Lie back and think of England, perhaps? :P

Deb said...

I couldn't agree more with Monique. Just wait until you get a positive pregnancy test. You'll buy more just to see more positives. You will. I swear.

Queen Goob said...

I say piss on the smiley face!

Anonymous said...

Seriously, you get a smiley face? All I get is a couple of measly lines.

Rob Monroe said...

Friends - we are not talking about pregnancy tests here, we're talking about Ovulation Prediction Kits. They really are that expensive, even on this side of the sea.

And it's not really as fun when you have to do the deed (I still like "bump uglies" from the last post) on such a schedule.

That being said, I think you're right about the picture that should be there instad of a smiley. Smiley happens the first bumping session. By the end of a few days, it's very much the crotch grabbing.

All the best.

Putz said...

whEre do you come up with your pictures////???????//

Stacy said...

I'm jealous mine only had lines. I wish I had a smiley face.

justmylife said...

I think the smiley from the post would be a great one! If they have to go with smilies. Good luck. BTW... my husband would be just fine with morning, noon and night with a few times in between!

Anonymous said...

LOL That is so funny. Great post.

Doodaddy said...

Ah, yes, we had the joy of bulk purchases, too. Sadly, it turns out that WM's hormones are a little out of sync, and so we needed to be putting our, ahem, effort, about 5-6 days later than the OPK would have had it.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to rub it in, but it happened the 'first time', the first time with us. I knew that as hubby was working away and we only did 'it' once. The second time I think he sneezed and I got pregnant.

So not much help with the ovulation stuff. Although I did buy five pregnancy tests as I refused to believe it.(Stupid woman) And they aren't cheap either.

Anonymous said...

I have been waiting all my life to read a post entitled, "Ovulation Observations." The alliteration is gorgeous, and considering I'm done having kids and really have no reason to care about said O.O., I'd say that's another lovely testament to your mad writing skillz.

(Hey, that O.O. up there looks like boobies! albeit saggy ones... not that I would know....)

Tara R. said...

Once Spencer gets the job done, you can always sell the rest of the piss sticks on e-Bay.

Putz said...

doyou know what all this reminds me of????you are the comedian, and tell the jokes while we throw one liners back to you and then like seinfeld you respond back to our one liners...aren't we all funny????

Anonymous said...

When we were trying to conceive those test kitty thingies were not available. So we had to rely on the good ol' egg white test.

And I KNOW you know what I am talking about... I couldn't eat eggs for years after that.

Anonymous said...

I think instead of the smiley face it should be this.

Myst_72 said...

Just wanted to mention I bought some opk test strip thingys from eBay - but I was using them for the opposite reason!

They worked out much cheaper from eBay.
No smiley faces on them though!
Would need to be a frown in our case!!

All the best to you both for this month,


Anonymous said...

incidently, if you do go the whole bulk think, you can use them as a crude pregnacy test.
There will be none left, once you get that first smiley face. You'll use them all!

Martin said...

@Jeremy - Abosultely

@Ashley - yep, the 'clear blue' OPK has a smiley face.

@Anonymous - €32 is about 50 bucks.

@Roth Family Adventures - First time? Get out, get out now...

@Monique - Murphy certainly has his own law around here

@Anja - 'Piss on me smiley'...been a while since I heard that. Oh I love, don't get me wrong!

@A Whole lot of nothing - Quite the articulate one aren't you...

@Karen Meg - I'ma veritable sperm machine! I jest, every day, maybe twice. A higher frequency has shown to increase motility.

@Immoral Matriarch - Blog and shag. What a life eh?

@Nola - you mean, in the bushes?

@Lyssa - I AM, believe me. Despite my moaning.

@Jayne - a guranteed way to make an Irishman lose an erection...

@Deb - bring it on...!

@Queen Goob - I've been tempted to do so myself!

@Veronica - Yep! for that price I'd expect porn.

@Rob Monroe - the 'order' to bump the uglies isn't the nicest but its all in a good cause!

@Putz - I just search google images and something odd always pops up!

@Snowmanpoop - You DO... Aiden I believe he's called ;0)

@justmylife - Thank you!

@April - thanks very much, appreciated.

@Doodaddy - That would just freak me out. Bloody biology.

@Tismee2 - You can get out n'all...first time.bah.

@Maggie, dammit - alliteration? nah, it just all starts with the
same letter...

@Tara R - I'm gonna toss them in the pond with the frogs.

@Putz - Oh you are definitely funny!

@Kelley - I do know. Unfortunately.

@Hockyman - that my man, is CLASS!

@Myst_72 - Thanks, and thanks for the mail with the info! Very kind.

@Tiff - I didn't know that, hope all is kind of OK with you.

@ALL we managed to get midstreams for less than a dollar each, about 8 times less than we pay here.

Miss Awesome said...

It's just prep for all the money you'll spend when the kid actually is here. BTW I saw some ovulation tests at the dollar store, I think they were $1 for a week's worth so $4 a month (US). Of course I don't know how well they work as I have no desire to know when I'm ovulating but rumor has it that the dollar store pregnancy tests are pretty effective. . .

Jenni said...

if you've just bought them in bulk, no doubt you'll get pregnant before you even get a chance to make a dent in them. that's just how it works.

Martin said...

@Big Mama Pimplishness & @Jenni - 4 bloody huge packages arrived in the post today...

we got ourselves a good deal.

garage sale maybe?