Do you ever sit and think to yourself that maybe you've 'lost it'?
Could you tell if you went nuts?
Batty? mental? insane? demented? psycho?
What kind of thing should you look out for in order to cut off the crazies at the pass?
For instance, what if you knew the waking body temperature of another human being off the top of your head for the past week or so?
I can't remember what we ate for dinner two nights ago, I'm pretty sure my doctor hasn't got the foggiest idea what state my blood pressure is in, yet I know the scientific measure of my wife's basal body temperature to one hundredth of a degree for the past bloody week.
Not healthy. The knowledge that is, not the temperature.
Would using the term 'egg white consistency' and not being just about to tuck into scrambled eggs on toast be a sign?
I mean, it would certainly shut that Scottish git from Hell's Kitchen up if you referred to his mayonnaise as having the appearance of cervical mucous.
I said appearance, not taste. That's next month.
Frankly, any male who even knows the term cervical mucous should probably be sectioned for the sake of the community.
What about keeping a note of which ovary is on shift this month?
Is knowing that Olive (on the left) or Olga (on the right) is on duty this cycle going too far? What difference will it make knowing what waterslide Ellie shoots down, aside from confirming that you may need a holiday?
The fact that I know it's Olga is irrelevant anyway, Spencer still has to get past Cindy the cervix to meet her.
Maybe, just maybe, (and I'm not a fan of this theory,) but maybe giving first names to ovaries, eggs, semen and a cervix is a sign that things have already taken a surreal turn.
Maybe, just maybe, the fact that I have a long list, from which I can't decide on names for the Spencer sprouting testicle twins, is going one step too far.
Probably, calling them Tommy and Timmy, is my last grasp at a sanity straw.
That poor f*&^ing camel.
EDIT: It has come to my attention that this site is the top google entry returned for 'hiding a body'. How cool is that.