Finally some peace and quiet around here!
Spencer was supposed to keep me company while they are gone off moose riding, or playing Mountie mounting games, or overdosing on maple syrup, but he seems to have nodded off somewhere.
Yeah, shocker, I know.
So I'm bored and I've no one to talk to. I've got a few hundred thousand eggy sisters in the follicle fraternity but only one of us at a time is allowed out. So it's just me, Ellie.
I don't mind being sent out alone normally, as long as they don't start poking and prodding me, or checking up on me.
I keep having to tell people my LH measure so they know when I'm on my way, it's like a curfew. So not fair.
I think they don't believe what I tell them anymore because they have started taking daily temperatures and regularly checking the go-goo down by the trap door.
Gross if you ask me.
There's an awful lot of pressure on us eggs to look good these days, especially with all the paparazzi buzzing around.
Just a few weeks back, there I was in the shower, and this 'thing' pops up through the trap door.
At first I thought they were at it again, but turns out it wasn't that gross purple spitting thing that Spencer calls his 'pussy wagon', rather a bloody camera!
'Click click' and before you know it my modesty is on some TV on display to the entire world!
What's the first thing they talk about?
Yep, you guessed it, my size! They kept saying stuff like 'Oh shes 16mm, she's gotta go soon!'
I cried myself to sleep that night, only after eating two double chocolate swiss rolls though. I know Oprah says you should never eat after 8pm, but I figured she lives in Chicago so it was only lunch time there.
Turns out I shouldn't have done that, because just two days later the paparazzi peered in through the trap door again and did the same. 'She's gained 2mm!' they cried, 'She's definitely going today...'
Just for spite, I hung around for a week longer, that confused them.
Don't get me wrong, I'm an old fashioned kind of gal, I like to be treated like a lady, wined and dined.
Y'all have met Spencer? a nice boy, but a bit of a dweeb. I mean, I'm pretty sure we'll eventually get married and stuff, but not just yet, a girl's got to keep her options open.
I'm not quite ready to settle down, I'm barely over a week old really, so I have a lot of things to experience, you know?
I could get a job maybe, I could run as governor of Alaska, or as a director of an investment bank, or I could manage England's football team.
I'm probably overqualified for all of them though.
So maybe I will give Spencer a chance, he is funny and he does have fabulous hair.
Hmmm, I guess we'll just have to wait and see, but I've got to go now 'cuz 'Celebrity dancing with the Lohans' is about to start.