Tuesday 19 May 2009

Uno, dos, tres...

I felt it was a good sign when the male nurse, who still looks eerily like the husband of a friend of ours, opened the ultrasound room door and called us in.

A familiar face at least, keeping the number of strangers who have peered up my wife at five since this debacle began.

Pale, bald headed, big lipped, with a neatly trimmed wiry beard, I wondered if he ever felt like he was looking in a mirror when he was down there sometimes.

As he got to work with the dildo-cam, I cracked open a fanta and offered around my peanut MMs.

First to the right hand side. One. Lovely stuff. Perfect.

The dildo-cam burrowed and snuffled it's way to the left.

One, two, and fuckyoudruggobblingsonofabitchfollicle, three.

In total, 4. Cuatro.

One 13mm on the left, and three at 12mm on the right.

The 13 is too small to induce ovulation now, which means giving them some growth time which would probably bring them all into the 'big enough' category.

If that happens, 4 is too many and it all gets cancelled.


ET is upset, tired, frustrated and stressed. I don't know what the fuck I am.

We await a phone call this afternoon to give us our next step. Maybe we go back to scan again tomorrow in the hope one has miraculously stopped growing like I did when I was 8, or vanished into the night like some South American resistance activist.

Or, it gets cancelled.



Panni said...

Argh! No comment!
Actually . . . "That sucks"

Proseaholics said...

I think you need to meet some of our "holy men" from here...

With a billion people as proof of success, I can assure you its the one thing we've become good at..

Jane G said...

Ah shite!

mammydiaries said...

No No No No No No No! Aaaagghhhh! This is worse then watching Lost. SO Flipping FRUSTRATING!!!!!!!! Argh! Well, here's hoping one of the little fuckers pisses off into the soft pink yonder leaving you three large, ripe, juicy follicles to inseminate to your heart's content.

P.S Loved the line, "Pale, bald headed, big lipped, with a neatly trimmed wiry beard, I wondered if he ever felt like he was looking in a mirror when he was down there sometimes."

frog ponds rock... said...

I cant think of a bloody thing to say. xox

Leslee said...

I know this sucks... I'm in the middle of a cycle that the RE wanted to cancel but I insisted on proceeding anyways. I hope that one of them goes away so that your fears are unfounded!


Ms. Moon said...

What in the world can I possibly say that would make you feel any better?

Liz said...

The title convinced me that you'd got just three.

Arse, good luck on the vanishing act.

maggie, dammit said...

1. The doc who is looking in a mirror down there

2. Stops growing like you did at eight

*sighs with great admiration*

(And I'm sorry.) :(

Russ said...


..."looking in a mirror" funny stuff.

battynurse said...

Damn. 4 on that small a dose clomid? Wow. ok so I'll send stop growing wishes to one of them.

Heather said...

I know a woman who got pregnant via an IUI on an unmedicated cycle. It may be something to ask about since ET seems to have some hyper crazy reaction to the teeniest amount of Clomid.

I hope one or two of those follicles disappears before your next scan. So sorry for the continued disappointment. Your turn will come.

..al said...

"Pale, bald headed, big lipped, with a neatly trimmed wiry beard, I wondered if he ever felt like he was looking in a mirror when he was down there sometimes."

Whoa!!! Double Whoa!!!

This is so pathetic...I fully understand how frustrated ET must be right now.

Don't get me wrong, I am not downplaying your anxiety...but so much of her body and soul gets invested in this monkey dance, that it is horrible!

I really wish, one of those does a vanishing act...either that or a natural miracle!


WhatAboutNovember said...


I am going to set up a voodoo ovary and stick lots of little pins in one of the follicles.


Feebee said...

I am sorry, that is so disappointing.

But why are they giving her Clomid in the first place when she ovulates fine on her own AND they know how well she responds to it?

I'll keep my fingers crossed that one slows down over the next few days.

AnnB said...

Hope; the combination of expectation and desire, I'm sending you our best wishes to nourish your hope. Good luck.

Anonymous said...

Shit. And double shit.

Am in awe of ET's ovaries, mind you. The Chippendales couldn't stimulate mine. Shame we can't add our follicular propensities together and divide by two...

Bonnie B. said...

Mother Hubbard!!! Can't we have a "margin of error" like they do in political polls? "Three eggs, plus or minus a margin of error of 2" or something? I mean, it's only ONE more goddammned egg, after all.

Sorry. Sorry for the rant, sorry for ET and her frustration. Pass the M&M's....

Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] said...

Me thinks you need to come find Ocotmom's doctor.

Martin said...

@Panni - It sure does.

@Monty - I fancy a chat with one of these 'holy men' alright.

@Jane G - Is right.

@mammydiaries - They have some hope of getting off the island on Lost.

@frog ponds rock... - Me neither.

@Leslee - Good luck.

@Ms. Moon - Correct!

@womb for improvement - breath not being held.

@maggie, dammit - Thanks.

@Russ - It's your nose I bet...

@battynurse - yep, 4, on that small a dose...

@Heather - I know a woman who got pregnant by having sex! the freak.

@WiseGuy - gah, miracles, not supposed to be in need of miracles!

@WhatAboutNovember - heh.

@Feebee - Deflating is the word that comes to mind.
I suppose its the other side of their treatment by percentages method, as happy as I am to be able to avail of it, even at this level there is a lack of personal case interest.
They actually wanted to give double the dose they did this time, it was ET who convinced them to come down.

@AnnB - Thanks.

@hairyfarmerfamily - That is bizarre to think of, complete opposite problems, same outcome.

@Bonnie B. - Thanks.

@Angie [A Whole Lot of Nothing] - So we can have more eggs?

Susanica said...

Hope this phone call has some better news than the exam. Shit. -Monica

AnnD said...

Sonofabitch! One over the limit! I'm guessing that just may be even more infuriating than when she made a zillion eggs a few months ago! One...one freakin' follicle is going to shut the whole thing down.

I'm so sorry...frustration abounds just reading this so I can't imagine how you both are feeling.

I hope one of them disappears for you! If not, I still say give it the ole' "hump and hope."

Jenni said...

well, goddamn it.

meabh said...

Hey so sorry. This is torture for you both. How can you be so funny even when you are going thru this shite? (bald, lips neatly trimmed...I cringed!)
Hope that 1 of those eggs pisses off.

I've heard that cork fertility clinic does a needle aspiration of extra follicles when ovaries are over stimmed so that IUI cycles dont get cancelled.Sorry thats not much help for you though.

Hi Heather...now you know 2 people who got pregnant on an unmedicated IUI...ME!!

Like Fee said, do u really need Clomid? Maybe pretend you've taken it & just go for 1 definite egg next time??

Deb said...

I'm running out of creative ways to say "FUCK". (Not that I've been all that creative in the past anyway.)

I hope it works out this cycle anyway.

Ian Newbold said...

Keep going dudes.

nh said...

ARGH.... that was so not supposed to happen...

I hope that one of the small ones decides to take an early bath and vanish!

I'm not surprised that ET is tired, frustrated & stressed. I am surprised that you aren't just shouting fuck at the top of your voice.

Fingers crossed...

Anonymous said...

"I wondered if he ever felt like he was looking in a mirror when he was down there sometimes."

Dude, I haven't laughed that hard in a long time . . .

Sarah said...


tiff said...

Awwwww, that sucks. Big time!

Foster Mama said...

I'm so sorry hun!!!

Anonymous said...

Oh. Ah. Damn.

I am seriously wondering why they don't try an unmedicated IUI. Because, seriously, ET is a champ at ovulating. A CHAMP, I tell you.

Ive run out of fingers to cross. Toes crossed one follicle gracefully retires from the scene pronto.

Insch Stalker said...

Oh god, that sucks. I know ET seems to ov well on her own, but have they thought about alternatives to the bloody loopy pills? Tamoxifen, or even the injections where they can monitor and tweak the amounts much easier than they can with clomid, or even try close monitoring on an unmedicated cycle.

I was sooo keeping my fingers crossed that you would 1. get to IUI and 2. this would be the month.

Thinking of you both,


Shanny said...

Oh man this sucks, I'm sorry =(

Anonymous said...

OH FUCK!!! But even with this, I cannot believe you wrote:

"Pale, bald headed, big lipped, with a neatly trimmed wiry beard, I wondered if he ever felt like he was looking in a mirror when he was down there sometimes."

X- you so need to be a comedy writer or something....I hope that bastard follicle DIES in the night.

anymommy said...

Errrrr. I'm frustrated for you, I can't imagine how you feel. Hoping one of them decides to go away and wait it's turn.

Bb10 said...

Hi, Just to say I know what you are going through as we are in same situation but on the IVF track as IUI didn't work for us unfortunately. On our first IUI cycle
I had 6 follicles and the clinic aspirated or as they explained in laymans terms 'popped' 4 of the follicles so we didn't have to cancel. This seems to be common practice in the fertility clinics over here in the very wet oul sod so might be worth asking about? Good luck

Yo-yo Mama said...


Got nothing else to say. Nothing that won't start with shit, fuck or damn anyway.

BABY STEPS said...

Im kinda in the same boat in a weird roundabout way.
I take pills, get scans have 3 follices about to mature, I fuck and I then wait. Thats it. No trigger shots (I don't even know what they are).
So we could be doing the same thing so if they cancell just have sex anyway and hope for the best. There is still a good chance it could work and only a slim chance of more than one taking.

James (SeattleDad) said...

Eeeesh! Will be waiting to hear.

Anonymous said...

I can't sum it up better than "maggie, dammit" did ... You are a brilliant, brilliant writer - I know that is absolutely no consolation right now.

Dto3 said...

Why's everybody so down? It's not canceled yet. Think Happy Thought! Positive Reinforcement Folks!

Hilary (Maya Papaya) said...

Hoping hoping HOPING for some good news tomorrow. Reading all the time but not commenting as much because it takes too long from my iPhone...

Just want you to know I'm always thinking of you guys and sending LOTS of good vibes your way...

Martin said...

@Susanica - Well, we now know we go back again to see what growth there been, so it was hopeful at least.

@AnnD - The old fashioned method hasnt proved very successful to date.

@Jenni - Yes, quite.

@meabh - That's interesting about the Cork clinic, I had wondered if such a thing was practiced. Makes sense to me.

@Deb - I have a few variations up my sleeve.

@Single Parent Dad - No choice sir, no choice.

@nh - No, t'wasnt!

@tysdaddy - wish I could say the same.

@Sarah - Yes.

@Tiff - heh, yes a tad.

@Foster Mama - I know, thanks.

@nutsinmay - Bzarre isn't it, polar opposite issues, same outcome.

@Insch Stalker - Hi Dawn, both those options were mentioned yesterday, so we will know more today I guess.

@Shanny - Thanks.

@hotmamamia - heh.

@anymommy - fingers crossed.

@Bb10 - yeah someone mentioned that earlier, it does sound like a clever idea, I might ask if I remember today.
And welcome!

@DD - I know, trust me !

@Paint it Black - the trigger shot basically starts ovulation in motion as opposed to waiting for it.

@James (SeattleDad) - same time, same bat channel.

@Anonymous - Heh, thank you.

@Dto3 - 2 hours!

@Hilary (Maya Papaya) - Thanks Hilary.

River said...

Still, four is an improvement on seven, and if four are produced by half the dose, then you know that next time you try the quarter dose, you should get only the two or three you need. In the meantime, I hope as much as you that one of the current crop goes AWOL.

Proseaholics said...

Alternatively, I'm a trainee holy man. I have some ideas. Just don't think you'll be a taker. Pity.

Lorna said...

I'm sorry - it's not the nicest having the dildo/scan done so often either but to end with bad news. Hope one disappears. x

Martin said...

@River - That WAS quarter of the dose would you believe!
It's not physically possible to break those pills any smaller!

@Monty - No. You can't shag her.

@Lorna - It is more deflating than anything I can think of.
But I can't believe I can say that one HAS...

B said...

Where does a shaven head person begin their beard?

5 sounds like a very small figure for some reason.

dildo cam

Blues said...

Xbox, I know you're pissed but the "stopped growing at 8" comment had me laughing my ass off.

Martin said...

@B - 5 is plenty. trust me. We're not greyhounds.

@blues - sadly. it's true.

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