Friday, 24 October 2008

On, off, on again

So.

Where were we?

Oh yes. A whole baby creation type effort was underway, not going so well, yada, yada, yada, 19 months, yada, yada, yada, and we finally get surgery scheduled to have a wee poke around inside the wee wifey.

Up to speed? Good.

Due to their own bollox up at the hospital, the delightful folk there decided to cancel the laparoscopy yesterday.

Cue blood pouring from ET's eyes and ears and the occasional expletive from her lips.

Ever the optimist, I looked on the bright side, bumping uglies was back on the menu, so I ran into town to pick a new tiger print thong.

Rawr.

No sooner was I back at my desk when ET informed me that the hospital had rang, apologised, and un-cancelled the laparoscopy for Tuesday, but only if she could come in Friday for all the preparation.

Cue another 4 pints of blood gushing from ET's eyes and ears, and a couple more colourful phrases questioning the doctor's parentage.

Having been utterly messed around in the space of an hour or two, she was left kind of like a condom on a drunkard, not really sure if she was inside out or not.

As disappointed as I was that I wouldn't get to try out my Tarzan thong, it's for the best, even if I am worried my groin may spontaneously combust in the coming weeks.

In the blog world it's popular to give days of the week a theme name, Wordless Wednesdays, Topless Thursdays, Feet Fetish Fridays and all the rest.

Therefore, now that it's probably, almost certain, very likely, mostly feasible that the surgery will go ahead, I'd like to present to you:

"Hack your wife's guts open & get a day off work Tuesdays".

Admit it, it's catchy isn't it?


62 comments:

Christa said...

I can't get the thong visual out of my mind....

.
.
Good luck on Tuesday guys. We are all rooting for ya!

Angela said...

That had to have been the most hilarious entry yet... sorry that the hilarity is because of your misfortune :(

Sarah said...

"she was left kind of like a condom on a drunkard, not really sure if she was inside out or not"

Bwahahahahaha!! Nice.

Best of luck on Tuesday.

womb for improvement said...

For goodness sake! Why can't these doctors get their act together? (Rhetorical, obviously, if you had the answer I'd be employing you just now).

Come on, I've mentioned it beofre but it HAS to be C U Next Tuesday.

bsouth said...

Well, I have some very weird mental images now. Thanks. I'm off to facebook - hope you've posted a picture of that thong!

Hope all goes well on Tuesday and that they finally come up with some sort of plan of action for you. Good luck to your groin as well.

Tara R. said...

It's a catchy name. I can see it taking off like wildfire throughout the entire blogging universe. Good luck Tuesday. Keep the thong, you know, for better times.

RRP said...

Again, I must point out that when your Lil X discovers that long before he and his 5 siblings came along, dad had a blog, he might need therapy to get over the leopard thong visual.

We are also on a H 'n H temporary hold for unrelated medical reasons. I feel a little lost not obsessing over my temp. Here's hoping (but not humping) that Tuesday brings answers!

Jenni said...

Sounds like we are all disappointed about the thong.

Good luck Tuesday!

Chaos said...

The thong visual was so very wrong in so many ways! Good luck on Tuesday, but I'm not sure that name will stick.

Penelope said...

Gosh that does have a certain ring to it!
As the others have mentioned I now need some brain bleach to remove images of leopard print thongs. Sooooooo wrong!
Good luck!!!

tiff said...

A thong? Rawr indeed.

SO glad it is going ahead. I was ready to come over there with my doctor killing machette and go on a red pants spree!

Backpacking Dad said...

"condom on a drunkard" is the name of my new band.

Kori said...

Dude. Wear the thong TO the appointement on Tuesday; that way they will take a look at what ET has to work with and work triply hard at clearing the way for Sepnce and Ellie to hook up. :)

kittyconcerto.com said...

"Hack your wife's guts open & get a day off work Tuesdays---while wearing kinky tiger print thong. Now THAT'S catchy.

Veronica said...

Your groin will NOT spontaneously combust. That's what you have a hand for, remember?

Maxi Cane said...

Feet fetish Fridays?

Who does those??

Details man, give details.

Cindy (and Brian) said...

TOTALLY catchy.
My FAVORITE part is, "Rawr." I can't stop laughing!

Seriously, I hope things go well on tuesday.

anymommy said...

Fingers crossed for Tuesday. The condom line killed me.

iVegasFamily said...

Perhaps the thong will make an excellent Halloween costume. No pictures please.

smithjennife said...

I wandered over from Kitty Concerto site, and I have to say the tiger thong image is stuck in my head. Thanks for that menatal image. Rawr!!!! :) I can only hope my man would do me the same favor with some colorful underpants.

Vacant Uterus said...

That IS catchy! Good luck on Tuesday.

Mr Lady said...

I've got to find a way to incorporate that into my blog.

LaskiGal said...

Crossing fingers . . . please feel free to give us a play by play upon your return.

Your "visuals" are stunning . . .

Um, and the thong was for . . . you? Did I get that right?

Hockeyman said...

I hope the thong was edible. And I'm for those Tuesday's, can we add weekends to that too? 2-4-1?

G said...

"Hack your wife's guts open & get a day off work Tuesdays"... we celebrated that a couple of months ago!! :)

Good luck for the op!

River said...

The Tarzan thong will come in handy after ET has recovered from the laparoscopy and you're given the all clear to start the baby making process again.

Tismee2 said...

This thong thing?

http://www.fugly.com/media/IMAGES/WTF/man-wearing-thong-and-helmet.jpg

So is this you by any chance?

Widdle Shamrock said...

Do men wear thongs?

I thought bits that shouldn't be squished would get squished. Or do they hang out either side of the thong?

I won't sleep now until I know.

amy said...

The bit that I find interesting here is the word, 'new' in front of 'tiger-print thong'...
Does that mean this is not the only one you own? And that the other/s have... ahem... worn out or something?

jothemama said...

Ha, Amy!

Mrs4444 said...

It's impossible to come up with a comment as witty as the previous. Just know that I think you're hilarious.

Captain Steve said...

Aaaand now I'm picturing a short, brace-filled drunk Irishman in a leopard print thong and inside-out condom. Was that necessary?

IrishNYC said...

Bastard hospital jerking you around like that. Asses.


Happy poking!

Putz said...

good luck, rotter

Tanya said...

Bloody doctors.

Quickroute said...

Certainly has a ring to it - I would've preferred 'Thong Tuesday'

Stella said...

omg.

"she was left kind of like a condom on a drunkard, not really sure if she was inside out or not."

such a colorful example of metaphor my friend...

James Austin said...

Doesn't quite roll off the tounge the way it should. I vote for Thong Tuesday.

That Rawwr made me spit out my coffee, BTW.

Bluestreak said...

Niiiiiiiiiiiice. A tiger thong, eh. At least you´re creative. I would give my husband points for creativity if he pulled that one. And then I´d be all, "Alright it´s not funny anymore".

Russ said...

"Ever the optimist, I looked on the bright side, bumping uglies was back on the menu, so I ran into town to pick a new tiger print thong."

I just threw up a little in my mouth.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Christa - Thanks!

@Angela - most hilarious yet? Oooh. that makes me a bit sad.

@Sarah - Cheers!

@Womb for improvement - Took me MANY reads to get that.

@bsouth - my groin thanks you.

@Tara R - Could raffle it off I suppose.

@RRP - Having to 'not try' is bloody hard though isn't it?

@Jenni - Thank you.

@Chaos - awww, give it time !

@Penelope - Thanks!

@Tiff - red pants indeed!

@Backpacking Dad - thats an album cover I'm not sure I wanna see...

@Kori - THATS the kind of thinking outside the box I like to see.


@Kittyconcerto - 'tis, isn't it!

@Veronica - **sulks** no fair.

@Maxi Cane - I could tell you, but...

@Cindy (& good old Brian) - Thanks!

@Anymommy - thanks, should I send flowers?

@iVegasFamily - I don't think the world needs that.

@smithjennie - you call it a favour? ET calls it a disgrace.

@Vacant Uterus - Thanks!

@Mr Lady - If there's any way I can help...

@Laskigal - I guess we'll never know who it was for now ;0)

@Hockeyman - **burp**, sorry, what was that you said?

@G - Oh Goodie! How did it go?
Thanks.

@River - OR... to dust the cabinets with.

@Tismee2 - Thats SO close to the truth it's almost scary...my helmet's a different colour though...

@Widdle Shamrock - REAL men do...

@Amy - 1 word...'edible'

@jothemama - you can forget about ganging up...

@Mrs4444 - oh sure, go on, laugh at the afflicted...

@captain steve - all in the name of art!

@IrishNYC - indeed, thanks!

@Putz - thank you sir, appreciated.

@Tanya - exactly!

@Quickroute - ...smartarse...

@Stella - Cheers!

@James Austin - well, that's always the dilemma I hear, spit, or swallow.

@Bluestreak - truth be told, it's not so funny from here either!

@Russ - Good!

Susanica said...

So when you comment to all the commenters, it increases your comment count. Brilliant. I have so much to learn from you Xbox.

And I hope you learn more about what the heck is going on come Tuesday. -Monica

RRP said...

It is indeed (hard to "not try"). What is more f-ed up is that I actually have to use preventative measures this month because of the aforementioned medical procedures. Which feels a little ridiculous since more than a year of h 'n h hasn't turned up anything. But god forbid this be the month something works...

What a mindfuck.

Still rooting for you guys and Tuesday and the docs....

Kelley said...

You do Facebook?

I am disappointed in you.

But if there is a pic of you in a Tarzan thong I may have to change my mind...

Rawr.

Looking forward to Tuesday, but can you change it to hack open your spouse and get a day off work? Cause I am all over that.

AnnD said...

Poor ET (and you, of course)! How can they do the prep for something on Tuesday on a Friday?? I don't get that!

Ummmm....I would also LOVE for a shot of you in the thong!

Karen MEG said...

Oh my gawd, enough of the jerking around... I mean, you have an excuse, but them? Grrr.. poor ET.
At least it's back on again. Thank goodness.

Hang in there... and don't toss out that thong, the Tarzan look will come in handy soon enough!

geeksinrome said...

But your blog already does themes, darling: Ovulation Test Tuesday, Wank off Wednesday, Thong Thursday, F&%$ Fest Friday, Sin Saturday, Shagging Sunday, Moping Monday...

I'm waiting for the day your Shagging Sunday is followed by Piss-Plus-Positive-Pregnancy Friday :)

April said...

your blog always makes me laugh out loud!!

rawr.

a

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Susanica - would it be better if I didn't respond to people?

Thanks.

@RRP - 'preventative measures' eh? you randy badgers, you could just read a good book!

@Kelley - No, it stays at 'wife' sorry.
Only me and my lesbian buddies win.

@AnnD - The prep was basically the checks if going under the anesthetic would be ok, and what will actually happen step by step on the day.

@Karen MEG - You never know!

@Geeks in rome - the effort you put in there is commendable!

@April - Funny, it makes me cry out loud!

Anonymous said...

Best of luck to you Tuesday!!!
Deno

hotmamamia said...

Golly, gee...with your title at first I thought we were talking about our clothes!!!

I'm just glad that you two will finally get some sort of intelligent report from 'The View' and maybe, just maybe you will be able to get a head's up (pun intended) on babytime!

Good luck...rawr!

B said...

I'm sorry... but it's not that catchy Xbox.

Thong tuesday would've worked though.

abritdifferent said...

You crack me up. Poor wee dear...you must feel like a dog on heat. Pretty damn close, I'd say. Thongs don't look good on dogs though. Good luck Tues.

joe said...

Can't quite visualize you in a thong fella (and thank god for that - I'd be very worried if I could!)

Married Leos said...

Catchy yes, altho I am kinda liking your other ideas, Topless Thursday and Foot Fetish Friday

Putz said...

hey do they do HALLOWEEN over there, over there, you can alwyas do it over there

Craig D said...

Good thing there's only one Tuesday a week, eh?

Jane G said...

Haven't been online for a few days, so only read this now. Best of luck for tomorrow. Tell her to wear loose trackie bottoms and if the hospital offers a prescription for painkillers when she's going home, best to take it just in case, because it can be a bit sore afterwards.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for a small but instantly fixable problem :)

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Deno - Thanks!

@Hotmamamia - hahah, thank you.

@B - you have to think outside the box man!

@Abritdifferent - the neighbourhood bitches run when I come walking by...

@Joe - I think we are all glad you can't joseph.

@Married Leos - I knew that would get the old pervs out of the woodwork ;0)

@Putz - It's very much a one day only event here.

@Craig D - Not if you're the husband!

@Jane G - Bring home drugs. Check!
thanks.

Malky B. said...

I know the feeling of doctors dragging you this way and that. When I was 2 days away from my due date with my daughter they called to say they would induce me the next day. Hours later they called back saying they where too booked and would wait until my due date. Well, I went into labor that night anyway so overbooked or not I was at the hospital the next day anyway. Ha, ha on them.

Maggie, Dammit said...

Ugh there is nothing worse than an emotional whirlwind thrashing. Ugh ugh ugh.

"Having been utterly messed around in the space of an hour or two, she was left kind of like a condom on a drunkard, not really sure if she was inside out or not."

is the winner of the day, btw.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Malky B - thats the way to show THEM!

@Maggie, Dammit - what doesn't kill us Margaret, will only get charged with attempted homicide