Monday, 31 March 2008

Mocked by nature

Sometimes the irony of it all is just unmissable.

Nature has started to take the piss out of me.

We have a wee pond in our front garden, and from time to time we've noticed the occasional frog hopping and plopping about.

Last Thursday evening, ET mentioned how the croaking from the pond had become really loud.

Google soon informed me that this was the frog's mating call. Just f*@%ing brilliant.

By Saturday we had literally dozens of froggy couples shagging their brains out in our garden. They sure can pick their moments can't they?

Only feet away from the frog orgy, two other bug eyed creatures were in the midst of their own mating frenzy, huffing and puffing in the name of procreation.

Granted, our mating call was somewhat less primal, "I'm ovulating, come on, drop 'em... " doesn't quite compare with a pond full of randy amphibians ribbitting away to their hearts content, but it's certainly to the point and should be just as effective.

Unfortunately, the probability is, that it was no where near as effective, not with all the will in the world.

We've be doing this FOR a year, with nothing to show for it. That is of course, unless you count humiliation, humiliation, and humiliation.

They get to do this ONCE a year, and I just know we are gonna be over run by the hoppy bastards soon enough.

A host of spineless water balloons with legs have just spent this last weekend outside our window creating babies and us, two relatively intelligent human beings, can be pretty certain that our weekend's efforts, aided by prediction kits and stopwatches and gravity boots, will prove to be another failure.

Maybe I should fill my sample pot with some of this on Thursday?


Mother nature, you're a right bitch.

23 comments:

People in the Sun said...

I'm sorry. That's a gross picture. You know, when it does happen, he/she/they will be cuter than a bunch of green mini-rhinos.

Jason said...

Perhaps Mother Nature was trying to give instruction or to encourage. Or not.

Russ said...

See, it the internet ruins things again. If it wasn't for google, you would have been able to sit on you porch (or equivalent) and say "Oh, listen to the frogs." (I'm sure there is a french joke in there some where.)

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

Sorry - We were a bit loud outside this weekend.

Tara R. said...

"Maybe I should fill my sample pot with some of this on Thursday?" I think this would be an excellent idea... I would love to see the look on the lab tech's face. Bwahahaha!

Foreigner by Default said...

Mother Nature might have meant well.

Or maybe not.

Hugs.

Tyler @ Building Camelot said...

Nice - that's too funny!

Reminds me of a little pond we had at our last house. Those damn frogs were almost 30' from our window and they were soooooo loud.

I'm sure the constant noise really got under your skin!

EmmaK said...

now this may go against everything the so called 'experts' have told you but this is how i got pregnant with my second kid. I think we'd been trying for five months and I'd spent about $500 on pregnancy tests when my husband said, "Fuck this, I'm getting you pregnant this month." So, we shagged every day from five days before ovulation until five days after ovulation. I got pregnant. I don't really see how it can fail. There is so much sperm the egg just puts its hands up in surrender. Good luck.

Married Leos said...

Maybe those frogs were a sign that you need to change positions and try it froggy style. LOL.. I found a 3D demo for those that are interested http://www.sexinfo101.com/sp_frogleap.shtml

Amanda said...

'a right bitch'- so hilarious.

Our Crooked Tree said...

LOL. I was actually just thinking of you while writing my latest post...http://ourcrookedtree.blogspot.com/2008/03/weird-science.html

Hockeyman said...

It is God's subtle way of sending you an instruction manual. Be careful, them frogs can throw some wicked parties, before you know it it will will be froggy prostitute drug den all loaded on smack and mushroom tea. Better electrify the perimeter of that pond. At least then you can snack on the legs.

Nola said...

Maybe its a sign that your home is become fecund! (How do you like my fancy new word?)

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

It's Mother Nature's cheerleaders, hon. Now go get that touchdown!

Putz said...

TAKE HEART, MY FRIEND akela From england has birds outside his window who were mating all night long, he is single and works for the house of commons, so you have a lovely wife and agreed challenges, but i succeeded, but that is still very insightful being{mocked by nature}

tiff said...

Life is a bitch sometimes.
Those frogs are freaking ugly. But your baby? She will be beautiful.

Veronica said...

You finally got the photo! Woo Hoo!

Loving this post though.

frog ponds rock... said...

I think the frogs were just being your personal cheer squad...

Hang on I will ask.. * races outside to commune with* "DA FROG"

The frogs were there to give you luck and to help with your rythm Oh and possibly to keep you awake all night as well.. just so you had an extra shot at glory....

WHAT???? That's what "DA FROG" said...

IEAT_SNOWMANPOOP said...

you could have a worse orgy in your garden... just remember that. There are worse things than frogs

Celular said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Xbox4NappyRash said...

@People in the sun - haha I quite like gross....and thanks, fingers crossed.

@Jason - Setting the tone so to speak you mean? hmmm, interesting - thanks for the comment, I thought you were another jason!

@Russ - I could sit on the er..stone slab... and mock the er... Dutch. close enough.

@A whole lot of nothing - I KNEW you were toadish...

@Tara R - you know if it didn't take 5 weeks for appointments I would LOVE to blow on on them like that. Too funny.

@Foreigner by default - lol. I stand by my stance on mother nature.

@Tyler - I'm gonna start drop kicking them...

@EmmaK - well you know what, that's exactly how I would approach it too. we have done that though, several months... and squat.

Although the idea of me grabbing ET and proclaiming 'Fuck, I'm getting you pregnant' would have us both rolling about in fits of laughter.

@Married leos - froggy style...classic. and as for that video...er... nice couch...

@Amanda - but TRUE... the tramp...

@Our Crooked Tree - coincidence or great minds?

@Hockeyman - SUBTLE ? there is NOTHING sbtle about these humping feckers...

@Nola - I have to go figure that one out now...

@Lyssa - I like that idea. I don't believe it, but I like it...

@Putz - the same challenges the world over bud!

@Tiff - I'm really starting to like the look of them.
& thanks, fingers crossed eh.

@Veronica - Frog Porn Rocks...

@Frog Ponds Rock - I can just imagine ETs face if I tell her I'm trying to keep rhythm with the frogs.

@Snowmanpoop - I suppose, it could be donkeys or something in my pond.
(now get some sleep)

@Celular - Don't make me kick your arse all the way back to spamland...

Sniffle said...

"gravity boots" ?

Sometimes (read often), when shit doesn't line up for me I think of God being a women. Me in my man thinking way, that is, and not in any misogynistic sense - puhlease.

Is this sorta like you saying "Mother nature, you're a right bitch"

You get away with stuff you do, you old charmer.

Keep the faith xbox.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Sniffle - It was a great buzz getting a comment way back here a year later, but you made me read just how identical the latest post is to this one.

Even the use of 'bitch' in the closing line. A shrink would have a field day.