With all that has lead up to this, the 11 failed cycles of trying to get knocked up and the utterly marvelous revelations that my sperm are couch potatoes, I've started to wonder about what results I really want to see from this semen analysis.
Do I want another set of poor results?
Will this really prompt the Dutch medical world into springing into action and working their magic and bringing an end to the great baby drought of 2007-08?
This would obviously mean more tests, more procedures, and infinitely more waiting.
Do I want great results?
Do I want to see wonderful figures that would send women scurrying for safety with crossed legs for fear of falling pregnant by just being in the presence of such potency?
This will obviously mean that there are other gremlins in our machinery, and therefore, more tests, more procedures, and infinitely more waiting?
It would be like earning a Phd and not being able to get a job.
Do I want to know at all?
What is ACTUALLY the point of knowing the results now?
Whether I like it or not, it doesn't matter if the test shows I've got a lower motile sperm count than Heather Mills has toes, or a greater motile sperm count than she has gold dug dollars in the bank, there still will be no child.
In the end, isn't the only real positive outcome of any fertility test, the family that results?
So, come on Spencer, do your bloody job this time around and make the results irrelevant, for me eh?