Firstly, let me inform you that from the sensation on the right hand side of my face, either this brace is doing it's stuff and I'm going to have a smile like Mr Ed in 18 months, or I've just had a stroke.
Anyway, more important matters, I know it may stun you to your very core, but I've not always been the suave, modern, sensative, metrosexual that you see before you today. I have been known, either through circumstance or intention, to be a bit of a prick. Here is just one example.
1996 Cork, Ireland.
Yours truly is out enjoying another evening of drunken student debauchery in one of the many hideous nightclubs that Cork had to offer it's student population. Put it this way, this place had sawdust all over the floor. We all know why drinking establishments frequented by students need sawdust on the floor now don't we?
The evening was progressing well, everyone was hot, sweaty, and drunk. Beer was the staple tipple of choice for everyone, but every few rounds, we'd break loose and try some shot or another, usually whatever the special cheap offer was at that moment.
It came to my turn to head to the bar. (This is a task I HATE. I will happy PAY for someone else to go for me. I'm short, lazy, and rarely attract enough attention to excuse myself through a crowded bar room or to get any kind of prompt service.)
So off I go, and start to make my return journey loaded up with 4 tequilas, 4 slices of lemon, and a salt shaker. Almost half way back to our table I slip on what I presume was some variety of bodily fluid, I manage to save my precious cargo.
All, that is, except for 1 slice of lemon....
'Shit, shit, shit' I face a dilemma:
-Do I fight my way back to the bar again for another fresh slice?
-Do I just continue to return to our table and dissappoint some one of my friends with no lemon?
-Do I, God forbid, return to the table and go without the slice of lemon myself?
No, none of the above. I pick up the slice of lemon which has landed nicely on a pile of sawdust and vomit, and carry on as if nothing had happened.
60 seconds later, 4 drunken students had 'slammed' another tequila, only for one poor unsuspecting partier to exclaim, 'Wow, that lemon had a LOT of pips in it'.
Undeservedly, she is still a good friend to me to this very day.