Please stand up & pat yourself on the back.
You all deserve that(and a hefty bosom full more to boot) for all the amazing comments you left last time round. I don't do soppy as a rule, but you guys 'complete me'.
Well, not quite.
Not at all in fact, that was a big fat lie.
But you do seriously rawk 'big' time for the time and effort you put into your comments, I am genuinely 'awwww shucksed' by them all.
So, what next? Well, performing more sex acts upon myself in the early hours of the morning and depositing the produce of said acts into a plastic pot of course, what else?
I will take a repeat test in three weeks just so I can hand a pot of semen labeled 'useless bastard' to Grizzly Adams, and then 2 weeks later I can revel in the joy of my GP looking down her nose at me while asking if I have ever considered the priesthood.
Then, and only then can I discard my last shred of manhood like a snotty tissue.(except it's not snot on that tissue as all you parents to teenage boys know)
Hopefully before that time comes we will have identified a suitable fertility/reproductive specialist to go further with.
I can't believe it's come to this.
I can't believe that when I wrote my first post that I would be here almost a year later, so much further away from what we had aspired to.
I was pretty sure that I didn't take it as a blow to my fundamental maleness, I wasn't sure I had any 'fundamental maleness' left after the last year, but fuck it I do, and it's been dented.
The real obscene aspect to this stupid feeling is that it doesn't arise when I think of my uber potent sperm who are just too glued to American Idol to swim a few centimetres, it comes when I imagine someone in the future confirming that ET has gotten pregnant, - no thanks to me.
It may be my sperm, but I couldn't even get it to do the basics right.
I don't know which I'm more ashamed of, the facts or the feelings.
In other news, my recent forays into the world of dentistry saw me back in the chair today, this time at the orthofeckindontist. The good news, (if you are a sadistic son-of-a-dogwithtitties,) is that I get to have a brace fitted. Yes, you heard me correctly, I, a thirty year old professional will be sporting a brace in two weeks time.
For those of you not so good with numbers, 2 weeks is 1 week less than 3 weeks. Therefore I will be a chubby, short arsed, 30 year old, brace mouthed, serial mastubator when I hand over my next jug of jizz on this quest for fatherhood.
...but you know what? I will do it a million times over if I have to.