Wednesday, 2 April 2008

'twas the night before er...you know...

So here we are again. The eve of another 'sample' giving.

What will the morning bring?

Hopefully I won't see Spencer tomorrow, all going to plan he is already heading an expedition up through the fallopian wilderness, a la Indiana Jones, with words of inspiration ringing in his wee spermy ears.

Mind you, I sincerely hope he is raiding a bloody egg and not a lost ark, although with my guys you never really know what they've got planned, and with women's bits you never really know what you'll find.

Either way, we'll know the answer to that particular poser in a little over a week.

The chances are I wouldn't recognise him in the crowd anyway, not being racist or anything, but they do all look quite similar. The ones with two heads or tails aside of course.

All in all, my concerns before the previous 'handover' are all but gone.

While I'm no sharpshooter, I know I can aim well enough from close range, and if the previous attempt is anything to go by I shouldn't have the mental trauma of delivering not too fast nor too slow, but just right.

Kind of like a masturbating version of 'goldilocks & the three bears'.

I refuse to think about handing it over again, that just makes my testicles huddle together for comfort.

On the bright side, (I use that term in a manner as loose as an Australian's morals), I've been 'saving up', and therefore the questionable volume (again, amount, not noise levels) of semen from the previous time, should be improved upon.
Although bearing in mind the size of the bloody container, we may need to put some paper down.

I could be optimistic and hope that this sample turns out to be as productive as Doodaddy's sample which has apparently yielded interesting results. As much as I want to kick him in the 'nads right now, I'll just say congratulations. You greedy maggot.

So, the only remaining question is, bedroom, bathroom, living room, office, kitchen or garden shed?

Maybe I should remove my shoes and socks, take a paddle and join in with the frogs....

22 comments:

Tara R. said...

I will never be able to think about Goldilocks in quite the same way ever again.... good luck and good aim!

(Thanks for the language lesson too.)

struglas said...

i hope you're wearing gloves and please keep this indoors.

Foreigner by Default said...

I like the idea about frogs and pond and so on (talking about posh - pond in back yard, wow! I have couple of dying potted plants and a, unidentified bush of scruffy variety. sigh)

Do your neighbours have nerves of steel? You might want to check beforehand.

People in the Sun said...

Might as well do it in the kitchen, so you could make an omelet at the same time.

It's called multitasking.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Tara R - having lived near Amsterdam for a while now I haven't been able to imagine those 'three bears' in the same way either.
;-)

@Struglas - Meh... ;0)

@foreigner by Default - firstly, the pond is in the FRONT garden... and it's about the size of a small sink.There is NO space in this country.
They don't have nerves of steel but this is Holland, liberal right?

@People in the sun - good idea, AND it would be the best place not to be interrupted by ET...

Married Leos said...

Good luck man. The wife and I did have one question... Did ET ever get tested to be sure all was ok with her? I know in our case we both got tested and everything was normal so we started on the fertility treatments, a little later BAM we got TWINS

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Hey Married Leos, on your question...
ET has had a quick once over from the GP.
On the face of it, everything seems ok there, but no intrusive tests carried out yet.

The next logical step was to check me due to the 'ease' of testing. tomorrow is my 2nd round, which should confirm the crappy motility.

Frustrated at the lack of urgency from the GP, we have directly contacted fertility specialists and have an introductory consultation in less than 2 weeks.

I would expect/hope/pray that things pick up speed from there.

I love the way you say BAM... makes it sound so easy ;0)

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

Lord.

You just lay it all out there don't ya?

Just lay it somewhere safe.

bsouth said...

Office, definitely.

I've got my fingers crossed for you so you don't have to cross anything else!

Joeprah said...

I don't care where, just don't think of me. Best wishes as always!

nola said...

Sounds like a well laid plan. Hey, I said well laid. All the best!!

Karen MEG said...

Good luck Xbox.

Why should the frogs get all the fun?

Think like a frog.

The Immoral Matriarch said...

I'm hungry. I wasn't before I read this, and I have no idea why I am now. But I am. And I thought I'd share...


Good luck!!

Hilary (The Trying Game) said...

Good luck tomorrow!

BusyDad said...

I love it. In the days before internet, who would have thought one man could ever solicit so many suggestions in real time from all over the world as to where he should coax out a specimen?

Doodaddy said...

*protecting said 'nads* Thanks for your kind words! And good luck!

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

Here's to successful yanking your wanky! Actually, I'm kind of surprised you don't get ET in on the action.

tiff said...

Good luck. Hope you don't come accross Grizzly Adams again. Now that would call for testicle hudling.

Hockeyman said...

Best wishes for your intimate encounter with the plastic cup. Talk dirty to it, buy it some flowers, maybe some candy. No matter what, never tell it how many other cups you've been with before.

Also, if you've ever seen the American Pie movies, DO NOT ask the nurse for assistance or you will get more than you bargained for.

Jeremy Neal said...

You should come up with a theme song for this stuff. Good luck!

Veronica said...

Hehehe, good luck with everything. You know, you could still grab that funnel.

Okay okay don't hurt me, I was just sayin'.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Awholelotofnothing - OUT THERE is where the truth is!
Doo doo doo di dooooooo

@Bsouth - Bathroom and common sense won out.

@Joeseph - I gave you a special though Joeseph, that finely trimmed goatee reminds me very much of a...

@Nola - Yay for Innuendo!

@Karen MEG - if I did ET would find it very hard to cook dinner... thanks!

@Immorah Matriarch - so you're saying I've whet your appetite, is that it?

@Hilary - Luck...? don't make me vomit.

@BusyDad - My member and I are on a crusade to bring the world together, as one.

@DooDaddy - Greedy guts.
**sulks**

@Lyssa - SHE refuses, can you believe that? It's not like I'm gonna TELL anyone...oh wait...

@Tiff - No Grizzly this time, just Granny...

@Hockeyman - I now know why one night stands are so popular...

@Jeremy Neal - I'm waiting for Disney to get back to me on a Spencer movie. Elton John is working on the soundtrack.

Maybe he's the WRONG guy to have...

@Veronica - Something NEEDS to be done, aiming definitely affects volume. All I'm saying.