Monday, 7 April 2008

Not bad for €10 an hour

Well the Gods of irony must have had a few drinks upstairs last night with their buddies from the department of irritation, and decided amongst themselves to send another bolt of 'see how much he can take' in the general direction of my fat head.

Try pushing the incidental stuff aside, you know, the repeated failure to impregnate, the confirmation that you've got the natural potency of the dodo, and many, many instances of increasingly irrational behavior etc etc etc.

If you push all that aside, what else would you really NOT recommend a couple who are trying to conceive to do?

Did I hear the skinny lady down the back with the bug eye say 'babysit' ?
We have a winner.

Yes, ET & myself have been asked to babysit for a few hours on Tuesday evening.

Queue awkward silences, knowing glances, brushing off of comments and questions like 'Oh it really suits you' and 'So when are you guys gonna get one?'.

I've booked our flights, withdrawn as much cash as I can fit in a nappy, and photoshopped a birth certificate for the kid who we will raise in Switzerland. (Named Spencer of course, I'm sure she won't mind)

So, ask ME to babysit in my tormented and demented emotional and psychological state will you?

This'll f&^%ing teach ya.....

Disclaimer - I do not condone kidnapping babies. Teenagers are far more likely come willingly to annoy their parents anyway.

28 comments:

Lyssa Ireland Thomas said...

You'll babysit, see how hard it is, decide to NOT become parents and ET will show up pregnant. This is guaranteed to work every time!

If it doesn't work with this kid, come on over to Florida and stay with us for the weekend. My cusses are cute as hell, but they are the best form of birth control you'll ever meet! You'll never yearn for children again!

The Immoral Matriarch said...

I agree with Lyssa. That is all.

Mr Lady said...

PLEASE come "babysit" for me.

Hockeyman said...

HA! It's always easier when you get to give the kids back. However, if the kids turn out to be more trouble than they should load em up with some red bull right before mom and dad get back. That'll learn them for asking you to babysit. Of course, this is a last resort and should not be done before trying to get them to sleep with a little secret baby formula I call "Bushmills." Oh wait, that's my sleep aid...

Lance said...

Run. Run as fast as you can to Switzerland.

Jared said...

Haha! Babysitting is always an adventure. Nothing my kid does gets to me, but other peoples kids can make me pull my hair out (not that I have much left to pull out). :D Good luck!

frog ponds rock... said...

Please come and take my teenager... I can pretend to be annoyed.. pretty pretty please???

Veronica said...

You know the worst thing about baysitting for someone? You have no idea what exactly to do with the kid.

How old is the little one?

Our Crooked Tree said...

ditto to lyssa...

Lee said...

Ouch!

This will either (a)confirm your commitment to reproduction, or (b), cause your scrote to withdraw to somewhere around your adam's apple in fear that you will try again for offspring!

Hopefully you'll be sitting a sweetheart and you'll get (a), as hard as that will be on your sanity.

Good luck!

Linked to you through Dad Gone Mad by the way.

Putz said...

you know me, i have got to get personnal once again, i bought a health insurance plan for $10 per month in 1968....we had decided to get pregnant and wanted the $180 that the doctor and hospital required for the procedure....well it was all figured out in my head....i get my wife pregnant within two months ...cost for the insurance 20 for the two months, $90 for the 9 months..savings of 70 dollars that the insurance had to take on the chin in my behalf.....2 years later and $240 i dropped the policy...another 2 years and BINGO

Elle Charlie said...

I think your friends are kind of oblivious to ask you to babysit - do they not know you are trying to get pregnant? Forgive me, I've recently stumbled upon your blog so if the answer to that question has already been covered I apologize! Sometimes people don't think - they assume that if you're trying to get pregnant you must love kids and if you don't have your own yet *of course* you'd want to hang out with theirs... I don't think everyone understands that it's not being around a kid you yearn for, but having and raising your own!

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

Leave before the kid comes. Even tho I have two of my own, I can't STAND babysitting others' kids.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Lyssa - that sounds ok to me, but I'm running out of wacky ways to bump this along...

@Immoral Matriarch - Ditto.

@Mr Lady - some crushed ice and a drop of ginger ale in that jack and I could be persuaded...

@Hockeyman - Let's call loading a 7 month old up with red bull, 'plan B' shall we?

@Lance - as fast as I can? gimme a month or 6 then.

@Jared - I'm not too bothered as long as they have cable...

@Frog Ponds Rock - nah - he'd eat us out of house and er contraception...

@Veronica - I'm guess there wont be a lot to do... it's basically a lump. a 7 month old lump.

@Our Crooked tree - See answers 1 & 2 above ;0)

@Lee - I still think stealing it would be easier... but thanks.

@Putz - that was almost a great plan. Almost.

@Ellie Charlie - yeah they just need a hand for an evening when no other tramp or hobo was available.
They don't know about us trying.

Thanks for wondering over here...don't be a stranger...

@A whole lot of nothing - yes, ill try leave before the 7 month old pulls up in its hyundai... sheesh...

Dan said...

Make sure your teenager is 19 and female if you end up kidnapping one.

Nissa said...

Yeah, I think it's totally about making you realize what you're NOT missing! A couple hours with someone else's brats -er kids, and you'll be cured for a while, I'm guessing.

Been seeing ya around, so thought I'd finally come by & say hey!

Roth Family Adventures said...

I'll ship you our toddler for a couple of days.

IEAT_SNOWMANPOOP said...

you are welcome to come baby sit lord poopie pants. He screams all the tiem and rips some terrible baby farts.

Russ said...

You do like self-abuse don't you?

NukeDad said...

In case videos and games don't work when bed time rolls around, pack some benadryl.

Foreigner by Default said...

Good luck in Switzerland! Make sure you'll keep blogging from there!

Or else...

Tara R. said...

Hubs and I have used our beloved son as birth control for several couples... just remember when you're changing those nappies to point the spigot toward the baby or you can find yourself needing a change.

Kelley said...

You can baby sit mine. Tiny terrorist Boo and two teenage girls. Yeah. Will have ya screaming for the hills it will. And a lesson in what NOT to do with your own sprog.

Joeprah said...

I think you are already booked, but dude, my little one, I am in need of a round of golf...how about you come over and watch her like 4 times this spring. Thanks!

Momo Fali said...

I would wish you tons of luck, but I believe I read you got the date wrong. So, I'll wish you two tons of luck next week.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Dan - Nice take... I might be up for nappy duty then.
ok thats a wee bit sick.

@Nissa - should be interesting, she's only a baby anyway, so how hard can it be, right?

I try to catch up with everyone who visits so don't be surprised if I follow you home... ;0)

@Roth Family Adventures - I MIGHT be able to convince everyone that we conceived, carried, and gave birth to a 2 year old in the space of a week, but his accent would just give the game away

@Snowmanpoop - that DOES sound, er, tempting...

@Russ - I'm thinking of getting it tattooed.

@NukeDad - Yeah, that's me taken care of, but what about the kid?

@foreigner By Default - I very nearly ended up there instead of here actually. But I read that you cant flush after 10 pm or some such insane thing, so I declined.

@Tara R - If it aint mine, i aint changing it, no way, no how.

@Kelley - terrorist?
Osama Boo Laden.

got a ring to it...

@Joeprah - that's cheating, you know she's too cute...

@Momo Fali - Luck & alcohol. Although I hear that's frowned upon.

Kori said...

I have two teenagers; you can have either, be they willing or not. Surely you cannot be any more neurotic and screwed up than I am! I do have an almost 9 year old-you can't have him, because he still makes me laugh instead of wanting to strangle him, nor can you have the almost two year old-he is too cute still.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Surely you cannot be any more neurotic and screwed up than I am

Oh how I laughed... trust me, I CAN be...