Friday, 18 July 2008

The croc board speaks

The croc wearing baby-wishing leaders have spoken!

We have been graced with a verdict from 'the board' after more than two weeks of waiting for a decision (that was made on that very day).

They will NOT perform a HSG, or a laparoscopy, meaning despite 16 cycles with no apparent reason for failure, they are not interested in checking for a blocked tube or two.

Yes, perfectly logical. As logical as, say, having your toothbrush in your own anus for safe keeping, but we've come to not expect much else from these dudes and dudettes.

On the upside, (and you better be seated for this, -I am) they WILL go all out and monitor a whole cycle!

Those of you who haven't come over all faint at that startling news can ignore the fact that we've monitored 16 of the buggers ourselves already. Our amateur, uneducated, non-croc sporting opinion is, they haven't worked.

We can't be 100% certain of course, but as neither of us have an infant dangling from a breast nor are actually pregnant, we are going with the verdict of 'not successful'.

So, the next cycle, should there be one (I'm touching wood here) will be monitored by the clinic, with an ultrasound on CD10 to check the womb lining and follicle development, with further blood tests on CD21 to make sure all the various gross hormone levels are ok.

The observant among you (or those with no life, like us, for the last few months) will recall this was already done when I got to peer into ET's vagina like someone who'd dropped a tenner down a manhole.

I think we can safely say we don't have a whole lot of faith in these guys at the moment, but we will gratefully accept any and all interest they show in our wee human harvesting plans.

In the meantime, we have fought ovulation battles, and fought them pretty bloody well if I do say so myself. For anyone who doubts the wicked, wild and spontaneous nature of ovulation day trying to conceive humping sessions, lets just say there was nekkidness while the oven was still going....

...Rawr.

Now I'd better stop touching wood, we can't afford any waste.

66 comments:

Tismee2 said...

Am I first?

Wouldn't it be great if you could go along and tell them to stick their cycle monitor up their arses? I'm assuming that you would be pregnant before doing that though.

Watch you don't get splinters!

NukeDad said...

Can't afford the waste, or the splinters! Good luck. For the "experts" sake, I hope they make Crocs in flavors now, otherwise they're going to taste pretty nasty when you shove them down their throats.

Tiffany said...

Well good luck! Maybe if the idiot assholes see for themselves nothing is working then they might do the laparascopy. That should show you if everything is alright. I had one and thats how I found out I had endometriosis. OK too much info for ya huh? LOL

Karen said...

They won't do it even if you're willing to pay for it. What kind of crazy doctors do you have there? Doctors in the US will perform labotomies if you pay them enough.

kittyconcerto.com said...

I feel so bad laughing, but how can I not shoot iced coffee out the nostrils (which btw--is NOT fun) while reading "having your toothbrush in your own anus for safe keeping".

Maybe if you steal their crocs you might obtain their obvious "higher intelligence" *achem* yah riiiiiight.

iVegasFamily said...

If you have some cash saved up (don't need too much given the weak dollar), you can come to the U.S. and get whatever you need done right away.

Toothbrush up the ass thing is hilarious.

B said...

what Mr iVegas said, cept looking at an international stage rather than just the US.

I'm one of those people that can obsess about anything by trying to not think about it on a constant basis... right now I've someone brushing their arse with a toothbrush completely dominating my mind.

Captain Steve said...

Now, see, the reason your monitoring wasn't good enough for the board was because you lack the crocs. The ugly, holey, totally not OSHA-tastic crocs. Or well, maybe you have a different hospital safety monitoring board in Holland, but they get all pissy when you flash off skanky toes when bodily fluids are flying about.

Karen MEG said...

Toothbrush... anus.. oy.

So, I suppose the good news is that they're at least doing something... hopefully something usefull will show up in their monitoring. But what a pain for you guys; the HSG/ Lap could tell you so much more.

Keeping fingers, toes and everything else crossed for you guys; hopefully you won't need the monitoring after all...

Anonymous said...

"As logical as, say, having your toothbrush in your own anus for safe keeping"

BRILLIANT.

(-Maggie, Dammit)

Quickroute said...

A half hearted effort is better than no effort I suppose. Agree with Anony above - that's a classic line!

James Austin said...

Yes, waste no wood friend. Surprised you are still interested at this point. LOL!

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

I thought this was about Crocs, and then 'vagina' pops in. Not what I expected from this place.

Missives From Suburbia (Deb) said...

I bet if you go in wearing Crocs to your next session, they'll take you more seriously. Just a thought.

Asshats.

Hilary (The Trying Game) said...

I'm not sure what to say. I guess it's better than nothing but still...

Gosh

TentCamper said...

Thats one toothbrush that I'll pass on. "Specialists" can be quite stupid sometimes. For something so special and important...they just take their time and don't take it sriously.
.....peer into ET's vagina.... don't tell me its on you tube.
GGGRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Jenni said...

I second that GRRRRRRRR.

nola said...

Errrr. Well, hopefully the monitoring will bear fruit (get it?) or will lead them to further testing. All the best. Damn crocs.

Marie said...

Well, I'm glad they're doing Something, though I wish they would do MORE, the morons. Hopefully they're able to pull their heads out of their crocs long enough to realize that, yes, something must be done.

Meanwhile, xbox, I have a question for you. We are heading into that which I referred to as cycle 8, but which is in reality maybe cycle 2 if we're lucky, but really technically only Month 8. I had a pregnancy false alarm right around Christmas, right at the same time as one of my very best friends. She, however, turned out to be pregnant, and I turned out to be missing my first of 7 periods (I've only menstruated once without medical help since the start of this year). She's now due in 2 weeks and I am left wondering, xbox, how do you survive this? How do you look at the amount of time that has gone by and find the ability within yourself to breathe beyond the ache in your chest? How do you not suffocate in the baby section at Walmart (or the UK equivalent)? How do you not hear a name you love and want to scream that you should be applying it to the flesh of your flesh, not just dreaming it and wondering if it will ever have a place in your family tree?

Sorry, I've had some (read: a great deal) wine tonight. But I'm just wondering. How do you live through this?

Tracey said...

Hmmm...they're going to 'monitor' your cycle? WTF? Why can't they just DO something? If they won't perform a lappy thingy, can you elect to have one done privately and pay for it? GRRRRR to monitoring the cycle.

River said...

Still can't understand why the Richard Craniums won't check for a blocked tube.
Maybe you could blow it clear yourself? (just in case there is a blockage). With a reverse vacuum cleaner type thingy? (Where would you get one? Don't ask me.......)

Dondi Tiples said...

As usual, you make me laugh in the face of your predicament. Wish I could slam my hand on the back of their collective croc heads and watch them shed croc tears. Still, in my dim understanding of the croc-doc bureaucracy, I think they'd prefer to do their own observations before they actually do anything approaching a solution. To save their leathery croc skin from a potential lawsuit, perhaps.

Veronica said...

Is it bad that I am giggling at the thought of an infant hanging from your nipples?

And monitoring is better than nothing. Not alot better, but better. And hey! Maybe they will see a problem!

Breigh said...

Well, to be honest ET should be thankful she's not getting the HSG test done. I had it done here in Rotterdam and it was HELL. Worse than hell. It was so painful and invasive, I was miserable. They took me into this really big room where they made me stand around with just a t-shirt on (I had to take everything off from the waist down) and stand there while all these people were milling around messing with equipment. There was even some MAN in there at one point doing what looked like checking someone's x-rays.

I have NEVER felt so on display or uncomfortable in my life.

Then they put me on a cold metal table and leave me there for ages completely naked from the waist down and in stirrups. People came and went from the room and I wanted to DIE. They didn't even have the decency to throw a blanket over me while they were off doing whatever they were doing.

MORTIFIED.

Not only that, but it was extremely painful. Like PMS cramps x 20 and that lasted for a long time afterwards, about 2 days or so.

When the dye was in the 2 women had ANOTHER man come in and have a look and between all of them their conclusion was that one of my tubes MIGHT be blocked, but they aren't sure. Again, I was left wondering why the heck I had the test if all I was going to get was maybe's again.

They wanted to do a laparoscopy (sp?) after that but I was so sick of their inconclusive tests that I drew the line at them cutting me open in ANY way.

The cycle following thing is actually pretty cool because you get to see what is going on with the eggs and her hormones and all of that. I think out of all the tests I've had done that was probably the best thing they did because it was pretty much the only thing that gave any kind of -most likely- answer I ever got from them.

If I could go back and skip the HSG and just have the cycle following bit done, I totally would!

Good luck and I hope you see some nice juicy eggs!

Breigh said...

AND LAY OFF THE CROCS!!!!!

(I have a puppy that needs constant walking, they are just so comfortable and convenient...I can't help it!)

tiff said...

Boogety, up themselves, think too much of their own opinion type people... I'll take my toothbrush and shove it up their anus'!
Here's hoping you don't need them.

Buggers the lot of them!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Tismee2 - You are!

Assuming that happened, I would have a great smug face next time I encounter them at the very least.

@NukeDad - Now there's an idea I fancy. flavoured crocs.

@Tiffany - Never too much info here! Thanks.

@Karen - Nope. No private possibilities here.
This is where I make a joke about believing a lot of Americans have gone for that option!
;0)

@Kittycencerto - Least you wouldn't lose it...

@iVegasFamily - Hmmm, get inseminated by Elvis in Vegas?

@B - You'd always have a clean bottom, I have a story about that btw, but that's for another day.

@Captain Steve - Crocs are getting a right bashing here now...

@Karen MEG - Yes, SOMETHING..and a lot better than nothing. We'll take it and be grateful.
Thanks.

@MAGGIE, DAMMIT - Squeeeeeeeeeel! She's alive!

@Quickroute - Yep, it'll do us for now, keeps us in their faces to to speak.

@James Austin - You'd be amazed how interested you can be ;0)

@A whole lot of nothing - Sorry, next week it will be back to embroidery and bible cover darning.

@Deb - Could you imagine it? the two of us there, short and toothless, in neon pink crocs...

@Hilary - Trust me, we are looking at this as good thing! maybe not to the outside world, but hell!

@TentCamper - well it was, but they removed it.... bloody Christians!
I wonder why they got into that field to begin with, when they seem so disinterested, not even offering good reasons why they act that way.

@Jenni - I'll see your GRRR and raise you a Rawr...

@Marie - It's progress, slow, but progress.
As for your question, it's not easy. You just DO, otherwise it all stops.

I cant seem to get a mail address for you, but if you want to drop me a line at Xbox4NappyRash@Gmail.com then maybe I can give you some ideas or tips?
Take care.

@Tracey - No possibility to pay, even as we are willing to. No private possibilities here.
This is the step they should have taken months ago, but its a step, we are glad.

@River - Don't ask how I know this, but blowing into a vagina is quite dangerous!
Maybe after the monitored cycle they will step up.

@Dondi Tiples - There isn't a lawsuit culture here though. Otherwise I'd be on their backs lol.
It's pure treatment by numbers. We have no OBVIOUS problem, so we don't fall into treatment categories.

@Veronica - Absolutely, it's something. We'll take it.

@Breigh - I'm "glad" to read this, that what we are 'not getting' isn't very desirable, it makes what we are getting seem better.
Thanks for your Dutch insights, they are VERY gratefully received and VERY eye opening.
Thanks a million for this.

(and crocs, put it this way, OK for dog walking, not so much for rummaging around a cervix!)

@Tiff - we'll take it tiff, honestly, this is a good thing.

womb for improvement said...

Kind of hope that they discover something wrong, minor and easily fixable, but wrong so that they will take you seriously. Good luck with the monitoring ...

tysdaddy said...

Pardon my imprudence . . .

Most people copulate willy-nilly, yet you two get it on with a purpose it seems. Does all this make the unplanned quickie, that great relationship sparkler, nonexistent?

Do tell . . .

I feel your pain, even if I can't say I relate . . .

Kelley said...

Wearing Crocs. Obviously no brain cells...

Can you find a non-Croc wearing doc? Cause damn, those things are hideous and will make Spencer hide in your pancreas.

(and yes, I have a pancreas obsession)

wpat said...

I love my crocs....

Best of luck, it's not a LOT of progress, but at least it's some. I guess they are done mourning the Dutch exit from Euro.

IEAT_SNOWMANPOOP said...

all nurses wear crocs... they look gay. I would never wear them

May said...

Bother the Croc-Docs. Bother them to heck. Monitored cycles. Feh.


(Also, my HSG wasn't too bad. I mean, I was ccertainly not having the best time of my life, but it wasn't horribly humiliating or painful. Poor Breigh (my heart goes out to her) was very very unlucky. So if they do eventually work out what they did with their toothbrushes and suggest one for ET, don't panic. And take your own blanket).

Tara R. said...

I've gone all tingly with anticipation! How generous of them to at least try something new. Dorks!

Jill said...

Oh Xbox - Here's to not needing them to monitor your next cycle! Positive thinking, right?

holly said...

this makes sense. when i wear my crocs i make stupid decisions too.

i bought that moog cd when i was wearing crocs. good bob do i regret that.

jobeaufoix told me to come here. i do what she says without question and am usually glad. you are a funny funny dude. yes, i'm sorry. i'm laughed at your pain. you made me do it.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Womb for improvement - that's exactly the weird perverse logic we have too.

@Tysdaddy - Good question. It really depends on how you approach it, there ARE days when it can not be spur of the moment, there are times you simply must 'put out', but for the rest if the month, you can, if interested, flake away as normal!

@Kelley - Nope, it's croc-docs all the way I'm afraid.

@Wpat - yep, it IS progress of sorts. We'll take it.

@Snowmanpoop - are they at it over there too?

@May - I love the way you say it wasn't 'too bad', I'm guess it's all relative!
Breigh is also here in Holland and I don't doubt for a second that is just teh way they do it here.
Pricks.
Thanks.

@Tara R - Tingly? I think you may actually be having a stroke.

@Jill - Exactly! fingers crossed there'll be no need at all.

@Holly - Ah yes, Jo has great taste...listen to her, lots.
I'll forgive your laughing, this time...

RRP said...

Maybe you need to come to "the MN." One odd cycle for me and my doc was performing every test he could thing of... Of course, I'm still not pregnant, but he didn't mind invasively investigating the situation.

bsouth said...

Oh honestly. What a bunch of totally useless winkers. I really hope you get spence and the bird (well, egg) together this cycle and don't have to have too much more truck with the pillocks.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@RRP - I've heard so much about the 'MN' now I'm sorely tempted!

That is VERY impressive action from your doctor.

Thanks for popping in.

@Bsouth - Honestly indeed! Buggers. Still maybe it won't be needed.

Jo Beaufoix said...

Blimey xbox, I don't know how you stop yourself from beheading them with a big samurai sword. I hope they find something too, something they can fix, otherwise this will just be another frustrating fiasco. I have everything crossed for you. It's a bit uncomfy but I don't mind. x

A Free Man said...

Can I just speak in defense of Crocs? They're really comfortable. I was anti-Croc until I put them on my feet - then my whole life changed. OK, maybe not. But they are bloody good shoes.

I shan't, however, attempt to defend the behaviour of everyone who wears them.

Irish Diaspora said...

Sorry to hear you have hit another brick wall.

I just don't get why they are not doing basis tests such as checking tubes out etc. It would happen in this country for sure, under the public system.

Can you not just book yourselves in and pay to have it done out of your own pocket?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@JoBeaufoix - You're such a martyr!

@A free man - In fairness they DO have their place in society, by a pool, hopping in and out of canoes and the suchlike.
Not so much on the feet of someone with their hands on your wife's fallopian tubes though.

@Irish Diaspora - For the dozenty million and fouth time - We can not go private. There are no private facilities here.

Angel said...

These people are really starting to piss me off. Obviously they can't be truted. They wear Crocs, for heaven's sake. That says automatic "idiot" to me. I'm sorry, but it does. I hate those damned shoes.

There has to be something we can all come up with... some little plan, ploy, plot that will trick them into actually doing their jobs! Otherwise you're going to have to move.

I'm going to knit the booties. And a blanket. And a hat! Why not? If I knit for it, it will come!?

AnnD said...

Ho hum! Well...did they say if they find something "off" when they are monitoring her with the ultrasound and blood tests if they will continue to investigate further??? Like if her levels are off, will they then do something that could give you guys a more clear-cut answer? I also can't decide if I hope they find something off so they can fix it or if I hope everything is dandy so a baby might be on the way sooner than later! I'm starting to feel your confusion and anxiety all the way across the world!

'That Girl' said...

I love the "Rawr"..lol

It sounds sooooo frustrating. I'm sorry they're not doing much for y'all. I don't understand why they can't come up w/a plausible explanation?!

Putz said...

now let me get this straight, they will come in dudes and dudetts and hover over you (moniter) while you do it, and other times of the day when you are planning to do it, night or day, what 12 or 13 dudes and due=udettes, will you have to feefd them????

Mrs4444 said...

You are HILARIOUS. (I always feel bad saying that, but it's true.) Being forced to jump through hoops you've already been through is maddening (I know, as I've been jumping through computer tech hoops for hours this week, and that's completely the same thing as trying to get pregnant, right?)

Eurydice said...

they will not check for blocked tubes ever? or just yet???

in my situation, the docs wanted to start from scratch because frankly we are a bunch of primitive retards who don't know which hole it goes in. so even though I knew we were doing the deed at the right time (hello Ovulation test kits!) they have a standard protocol that starts with the dumbest thing that could be wrong and then they work their way up the baby-making chain from there (to the more complicated and invasive and therefore more expensive procedures).

It sucks to start from scratch when you already know something is wrong. But key to this is knowing what a decent protocol would be, do they have one and will they be skipping certain procedures to save the state some money?

also you need to get a timeframe from them -- how long all the steps would take. the italian system took YEARS. I didn't have any more years to waste (then, at 38) so i went elsewhere and it took them mere months to find the problem. it's a crap shoot to find the right people. so keep rolling!!!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Angel - annoying you are they? ;0)

@AnnD - I knew someone had been feeling my confusion... thanks.. we'll get there...

@that girl - They can't come up with anything, because they won't bloody look for anything!

@Putz- They won't be monitoring THAT closely...

@Mrs4444 - It's similar yes!
Hilarious is quite closely related to demented you know..

@Eurydice - They won't check for a blocked tube until 24 months TTC! UNLESS, they have a reason to believe that there is a blockage...which they can't find unless they check, which they won't do unless they have a reason, which they can't have unless they check, unless....oh my head

Matthew M. F. Miller said...

Here's hoping the experts will do the trick. It's so funny - it's like having tour guides for your journey through reproduction.

April said...

Ugh. Doctors and healthcare TRULY suck. I'm sorry they shot you down! :-P

But I am giggling at the "touch wood" part. ;-)

GOOD luck!!!!!

Momo Fali said...

What? You don't keep your toothbrush in your anus?

nh said...

Boo to the Croc wearing Docs - I will throw things (possibly imaginary things as I don't want to go to prison) at every Croc wearer I see in the next week to make up for your Dr's stupid decision.

As to the monitoring, I'd love to say 'at least they are doing something' but it seems like they are doing so little after so long... still maybe it won't be needed.

stella said...

Holy crap. You really are awesome. This is GOOD SHIT.

I haven't come across a really stellar blog in awhile (nor have I been looking for them...), however - a friend sent me your link thinking I might enjoy - and she was SPOT ON!

love, love, love it.

stella.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Matthew M. F. Miller - More like having Stevie Wonder as a tourguide when what we need is Barry WHite!

@April - We were expecting it, so no 'biggie', in fact we got more from them than we thought we would.
Thanks!

@Momo Fali - Of course not, there'd be no room for my comb...

@nh - Well, we are actually pleased they will do the monitoring. It gives us a chance to stay in their faces, and pushing them.

@Stella - Aside from the coolest name going, you write a smashing comment!
Keep saying stuff like that! (Everyone else, listen to Stella).
Who was the friend?

Irish Diaspora said...

OK, sorry - must have missed that vital piece of info somewhere along the line.

Sinead said...

Not to be a dampener on the anti-IVF clinic contingent, but surely them doing something and checking that everything is normal across ETs cycle is better than nothing? Maybe after they see everything is A-OKl they can go back and reassess doing nothing for the next 8 months.

Some people and I am not saying you and ET fit into this category just don't get it. I know of people who undergo IVF who just cant be bothered to inject themselves when they are meant to and so there are no eggs to harvest at the end of a cycle. So the doctors double checking your conclusions is not illogical, when you think of some of the clients they have come across. I think that the doctors monitoring ET is a step in the right direction.

Sinead said...

Oh yeah what is with the croc bashing. Although they are pretty ugly I admit, they are very comfortable and come in cool colours!

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Irish Diaspora - Probably in the comments somewhere.

@Sinead - If that were the reasoning they gave, I would agree with you.
But they don't, they've given no explanation other than 'that's the way we do it' and 'you've a better chance at home'.

Either way, we are quite happy they are monitoring.It's something.

People blowing their chances like that, I just dunno what to make of it. Unimaginable.

Crocs have their place, trotting between the sun lounger and the beach bar.

Sinead said...

You know they wear crocs for a reason right? It is so they can maintain a reasonably sterile environment in the labs where they do all the IVF. At my sisters work the preferred choice of shoes are birkenstocks. Not sure which I would prefer. I associate birkenstocks with granola eaters.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Sinead - I assumed it was for the whispering room, so they could sneak up on you quietly.

You're a bit of a silent croc defender ;0)

Ashley said...

Hey, did you know that they now make watches that tell you 4 days before you ovulate...well, not you sassypants...HER. And you can have it for only 3 small payments of your life savings. Okay okay, I lie. It's a few hundred dollars. but, that book I told you about? It kinda does the same thing. Cept you don't wear it (unless you really want to) and it's not electronic.

RRP said...

Another thought, has your wife tried saying she's having pain on/around her ovary? This is what I did (although I truly was having the pain) and they were very quick to check for blockages, cysts, ectopic pregnancy, etc. Not that I necessarily advocate lying, but perhaps it might help? Sort of like going to the Emergency Room for a broken bone but throwing in the line "and I'm having trouble breathing" just to get seen a little faster...

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Ashley - Well, we seem to have ovulation nailed!
It's what follows we can't seem to get right.

@RRP - I know what you mean, I've been tempted to say we HAVE been trying for 2 years as opposed to 16 months, very tempting...