Monday, 27 October 2008

Sleeping with the enema

The countdown is on.

In just over 9 hours ET will arrive at the hospital, freshly topiarytasticly trimmed and ready to party.

That is if getting your gut slit open is a party.

Either way, thanks to the wonders of modern medicine, and western indoor plumbing, she will go there with her body truly in temple state. A very empty temple.

Also, seeing as she can't eat anymore until the grand opening, I have to fend for myself.

I am lowered to levels normally reserved for street urchins in the lane ways of Rio, and I have to...

...sorry, it's making me emotional...

I have to....

...get my own dinner.

What a selfish cow.

Though, if you are as big hearted a person as I am, you will forgive her these self absorbed insanities and wish her well.


65 comments:

amy said...

Just because she's getting her guts slit open and is not allowed to eat... Selfish indeed.
So - what's on the menu? Crackers au gratin?
All the best to you guys today.

ave said...

Actually if it's a laparotomy she'll have 3 neat little nicks, not as dramatic though than having your 'gut slit open' is it :p

ave said...

sorry, ment laparoscopy!

katie j said...

Hope all goes well, will be thinking of you guys!

Angel said...

My fingers are crossed for her! The both of you!

Please don't starve. We would be sad.

Chris said...

I hope you guys get some answers and that all goes well.

Keep us posted... as if you wouldn't. :-)

Christa said...

Good luck to ET!!!

Malky B. said...

Best of luck with the surgery!

Single Parent Dad said...

What sort of excuse is that, I hope at the very least she left you ingredients and fool-proof instructions for the cooking thereof.

But in all seriousness, has she?

Tara R. said...

You poor dear! (Good luck to ET, hope all goes well.)

Marita said...

Fingers cross all goes well and you hopefully get some answers.

Lea said...

Best of luck to you guys!

I go in for the same procedure in December. Not sure I like the 'gut slit open' thing. Yikes!

bsouth said...

You really are veering towards a smack round the chops at the moment! Can you not use a can opener? There is/are soup and beans out there aplenty man.

Good luck to ET - hope it all goes ok and brings you results.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@Amy - Thanks!

@Ave - Shhh...Don't tell her that, this way she'll come home delighted that she hasn't lost a bloody arm!(and hello, welcome!)

@Katie j - Hello there! thanks!

@Angel - I have blubber reserves that would get me through an Alaskan Winter.
THanks!

@Chris - Ok, you twisted my arm, I MIGHT tell ye how it goes.

@Christa - Thanks, take care you.

@Malky B - Thanks Malky!

@Single Parent Dad - No, and Im pretty sure thats ground for divorce.
Well it might be if we actually bothered to register the marriage, but thats a story for another day.

@Tara R - Thanks very much!

@Marita - thanks! and welcome!

@Lea - (not really slit, just a nick or two, but don't tell) thanks!

@Bsouth - I do have a can opener, but she wont get off her arse!

TW said...

A male under the age of 50 in the year 2008 who can't cook? You're pulling my leg aren't ya? ;)

Wishing ET all the best for the laparoscopy; and as someone already mentioned the incisions are minute, so in a couple of months she wont even be able to find a scar from them. :)

womb for improvement said...

That's got to be some sort of betrayal of your wedding vows right there. 'Love, honour, obey, cook the tea'. Don't tell me she missed obey too?!

Best of luck for tomorrow, this is one intervention I haven't reached yet so I will be checking back for gory details.

I really do hope it is swift and conclusive.

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

You're an ass.

Much love to ET, b/c it's apparent she needs more.

Maggie, Dammit said...

Thinking of you guys.

Myst_72 said...

Wishing ET all the best,
and you of course in your anti-starvation plight...maybe they'll bring around a plate of sandwiches at the hospital?

G
xx

kittyconcerto.com said...

Oh my good lawd! LOL. Order a pizza and eat the entire thing. It will make you feel better. And good luck to your lady!

Ms. Moon said...

Wishing you both the best of luck. Sending fertility thoughts your way. (Loamy earth, Goddesses with full and fecund bellies, etc.)

Quickroute said...

Fingers, legs, arms, X's and O's crossed

morninglight mama said...

Wishing ET the absolute best tomorrow!!

Hockeyman said...

What, no pre-cooked meals for you to microwave? How selfish...

iVegasFamily said...

Good luck to ET. Oh, I guess you need luck with the whole food thing.

Maxi Cane said...

Yeah, or could you just let the dishes and house work pile up to greet her when she comes home, they love that!!

Best of luck tomorrow.

Veronica said...

So, 2 minute noodles for dinner then?

Oh wait, how are you going to cope through *gasp* breakfast? I would suggest sausages, but I think you might vomit on your computer if I did.

I'll be thinking of you guys.

Jenni said...

Good luck to you guys tomorrow, especially to ET as she gets her guts poked.

And good luck to you - I hope you don't starve.

Sarah said...

Oh X...

I hope ETs laparoscopy goes well. Best wishes to her!

You friend, get a good stern look and a verbal slap to the backside!

Cow indeed...humpf!

Go find something to eat.

IrishNYC said...

Oh you poor poor thing having to feed yourself. I predict lots of junk food or takeaway.

I hope all goes well!

Shop Girl said...

Hi...I've been reading your blog for a while but never posted before...

I have my fingers and toes (and anything else crossable) crossed for you both!!

Krista said...

Oy vey, I didn't realize this actually involved cutting. I thought it was just another type of look see without cutting tools. So sorry ET, get better soon (and really hope this is worth it!)

darcie said...

Does ET even have a clue how very many of us are praying for her girly parts?

Wish her well for us!!
xoxo - darcie

Vacant Uterus said...

No lie, when I had my hysteroscopy, the nurse assisting me onto the table in the OR yelled "Okay, let's get you started, party girl!" Ummm, what? Did I miss the vodka? Because I thought I was here for, you know, SURGERY.

Good luck, ET!

And man, they ought to have some soup kitchens open, no?

Alyssa said...

Wishing you the VERY best of luck. Keep us updated!

M+B said...

Oh Xbox I hope you haven't starved to death yet?

Good luck and best wishes to ET today

Jill said...

Oh I'm so thrilled for you!!! My Laparoscopy is where they diagnosed my issues... and fixed them too!!

Can't wait to hear the good news.

Just remember to pamper ET. It was much more painful than I had anticipated. :)

Yay.

James Austin said...

Good luck ET! Xbox, you really need to learn to cook since once you two are knocked up then you will have to be doing much more of it. Learn now, friend.

People in the Sun said...

On behalf of all men: This is an outrage.

tiff said...

Thinking of you both.
Hope you don't starve.

anymommy said...

Wishing her and you well!

Tismee2 said...

....and while she is suffering from starvation and apprehension I bet you went out and got pizza??

Will she be awake while her guts are slit open? Will you be there with her holding her hand?

Good Luck - you know I love you both despite your football allegiance.

Penelope said...

Please say that you didn't lower yourself to *Pot Noodle* level?!
Best of luck today!

Dan said...

These are the moments takeaways were designed for.

Good luck with the gut slicing thing (It may have already happened, I'm a little behind)

Jane G said...

Musha you poor ould crather, she's making you cook as well. Did ye not do your pre-marriage course in Ireland?

I'm just remembering that Fr Ted episode where Mrs Doyle was given the night off and Ted and Dougal were having panic attacks in the kitchen trying to make the tea :)

AnnD said...

Let us know what they say ASAP!

sarah said...

Hope ET is feeling better soon! I know it always takes me a couple days...

Can't wait to hear the results!

Russ said...

I assume that you managed to dig up some grub. Best of luck to ET on the surgery thing.

Misssy M said...

Your post reminded me of primo dinners my dad has cooked when my Mum wasn't there: curried mince for main course and diced Kiwi fruit witha sprinkling of sugar passed as dessert.

Good luck to your wife on her procedure.

Christi said...

GOOD LUCK!

Putz said...

i have a better feeling this time...i had a good feeling once and it didn't pan out, but this time i have a better feeling....it can't all be that hard....it isn't brain surgery ...a little humor there

Marie said...

What? No dinner? *gasp* Women are so selfish. ;)

I hope everything goes well today. Looking forward to hearing the outcome. Good luck E!

Susanica said...

All the well wishes in the world! -Monica

Marissa said...

best of luck & many answers... all of them positive i pray!!!

Fate's Granddaughter said...

You should try 'Super Noodle Surprise." My husband makes it when I'm not home - a packet of super noodles with some bacon and broccoli thrown in for nutrition. Sodium-tastic.

Leave poor ET alone.

Danielle said...

GOOD LUCK TODAY!

Elaine said...

Praying that everything went well today.

Christa said...

::patiently waiting for an update::

:)

bsouth said...

Shame on you.

Kori said...

Cry me a freaking river, dude. Really. but since I know you well enough, I know that you know that I really am thinking good, serious thoughts about this, and since you know me equally well, you know that I am really just looking for something smart ass to say to gloss over the potential seriousness of the "hole" sitaution. Best of Luck.

Horse Chick said...

Good Luck to ET tomorrow!! I truly wish her (and you) all the best! Remember X, it is your job to be there by her bedside NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!! And I do mean NO MATTER WHAT! Hopefully ET handles the anesthesia well!!
Also, You should go out for dinner and not torture ET anymore by eating in front of her!!
(Sorry if I'm sounding bossy....bad day)

Horse Chick said...

Ok so today is tuesday, I really hope everything went well!!!

Immoral Matriarch said...

I'm super late, but I hope everything went well!

nutsinmay said...

I've been thinking of ET all day, and hoping everything went well and smoothly and her insides are now in mint condition.

H took four days off work to wait on me hand and foot after my lap. Shall I tell ET this?

Xbox4NappyRash said...

@TW - thanks!

@Womb for Improvement - thanks, it was both, sort of!

@A whole lot of nothing - You're just jealous, you WANT this...

@Maggie, Dammit - Liar! you were thinking of doughnuts.
IF you weren't, you should have been.

@Myst_72 - Thanks!

@Kittyconcerto - I sense sarcasm... thanks!

@Mrs Moon - I think that round belly thing has worked. On me...

@Quickroute - Cheers!

@Morninglight mama - Thank you!

@Hockeyman - Yes, bitch, right?

@iVegasFamily - Thank you Sir!

@Maxi Cane - I've tried that before, I got LAID (out flat, left upper cut)

@Veronica - 2 minute noodles? you're confusing food with sex again.

@Sarah - Thank you ;0)

@IrishNYC - thanks!

@Shop Girl - Oh you sneaky lurker you. Thank you very muchm I appreciate it.

@Krista - 2 cuts and one up the whatsit in fact!
it WILL be worth it!

@Darcie - Oh she's keeping count alright, the big headed tramp!

@Vacant Uterus - Thanks!

@Alyssa - Thank you, updates? look up!

@M+B - I have fat reserves to live on anyway, thanks!

@Jill - It will be a turning poin, that is certain.
THank you.

@James Austin - You're not helping my cause here James... ;0)

@People in the sun - Isn't it just! we should invade
, something.

@Tiff - I'll get by ;0)

@anymommy - Thank you!

@Tismee2 - nope, a general anaesthetic.
Very sweet of you not to hate us because I'm wise...
;0)

@Penelope - I would KILL for a pot noodle!
THanks.

@Dan - a little behind, as opposed to a big arse?

@Jane G - We never did a PMC! let's just say our nuptial agreement may not be 100% recognised by the Catholic church as it stands...
Classic Ted. Classic.

@AnnD - Look up!

@Sarah - thank you, it should work out ok.

@Russ - Kiss ass.

@Missy M - You're making me salivate, and not even a bell to be heard for miles around.

@Christi - Thank you!

@Putz - hahaha, you're back to being Nutz, Putz. Thank you sir!

@Marie - You said it sista!

@Susanica - Thanks cuz...

@Marissa - Thank you!

@Fate's Granddaughter - bah humbug, you lot will be wanting the vote next...

@Danielle - thank you!

@Elaine - It did indeed, thank you VERY much.

@CHrista - try F5...

@Bsouth - Oooooh, Ms conscience....

@Kori - hee hee...hole... thanks.

@Horse Chick - ;0) thanks!

@Immoral Matriarch - Thank you m'dear!

@Nutsinmay - right, you, you're barred!