Disasters and embarrassments hide everywhere, disguised as innocent moments, incidental happenings, inconspicuous daily events.
They wait for your guard to be lowered, for you to be unaware, and not alert. Then they pounce, leaving you with unfertilised egg on your face. I give you exhibits A, B, C, and even D.
Two years in this game refines your skills, helps you sniff out these pitfalls before they occur, enabling you to side step embarrassment and turn and laugh unscathed in it's face.
What such tulip field of travesty have I tip-toed through this time?
From the top shelf of my bathroom cabinet, I present to you my 5 year old, only once used pot of ridiculously expensive hair styling wax:
From the second shelf, my recently acquired, as of yet unused due to IUI cancellation, semen sample pot:
Danger spotted, and neutralised. You won't get me this time, universe.
You can consider the disaster of me applying my freshly collected semen to my own fringe, or having a confused specialist attempt to inseminate ET with 'American Crew's' finest, averted.
For now.
(Upcoming adventure information on it's way, honest...)
26 comments:
I feel a bit of 'There's something about Mary' coming on...(except that wasnt actual semen)
You're in Ireland for a week and you're still not coming to visit me? I officially have the hump now. (Joking!!)
Have you all your answers ready for Pat the Plank?
Is it possible that the hair wax factory is where sperm samples go to die?
Yeah...Tanya nailed it....just thought of Cameron Diaz and the spermies wiggling in her hair in the movie...
Gawd!!!!
Hair gel and sperm spew! Life is a jam! Yikesss!
Chronicles of Iarnia? Waiting for that!
You crack me up.
Crisis averted. Thank God.
:)
Container confusion. A problem which confronts us all in our daily lives.
OMG thank god you're on the alert- ET could have ended up conceiving an embryonic boy band member with that wax as the father!
WOW I was holding my breath for a moment. I thought for sure you were going to say the disaster wasn't averted.
Lol, you had me laughing so much! Thankfully you spotted the potential disaster!
I too saw the "Mary" reference coming!
Yes, by all means, please be careful. The last thing you want is to be strutting down the street with a 2 story sparrow-catcher on your head.
Actually, that could have been funny.
It's like the clashing of two epic (?) films: Something about ET
And you are a tease about the adventure story ...
In reference to the ABCD, I too had two different shoes once. I carried them into work. They, however were both black and had a similar heel.
I bought a new pair, I must have been richer back then.
Who actually stores jizz at home anyway?
Crisis? I think not.
Drama queen? Perhaps.
Funny little man? Most definitely.
Wow. That is just... wow.
I actually have some of that American Crew. At least I think that's what it is. I think I'll toss it. No pun intended.
Ha Ha that's funny. Just keep on tip-toeing through the tulips. and remember to read the labels before unscrewing the jars.
A near Something About Mary miss.
Now of course you will be concentrating so much on not doing it that you will.
...but it might just triger off some rapid response from the consultant!
Ewwww. I can just imagine the way your hair smells. Spunky.
Forming Cream eh? I can totally understand your near confusion as you surveyed your bathroom cabinet. I mean you are trying to form a baby right? ;-) -Monica
I have to say, actually brining the hairwax into the doctors or whatever would be miles more hilarious than the (also brilliant) Farrelly Bros alternative.
Thank god, not only do you give good blog but you avert disasters too - go you!
@ALL - I tried to get a 'something about mary' reference in there but my brain stopped working!
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